An introduction

Well, I know I've dropped offline again, but I guess that's what happens when you're the mother of two kids.  Before I get to the good stuff: I still want to write...desperately at times, but that hasn't been an option much lately, and I don't foresee it becoming any easier in the near future.  Like I wrote a year ago, writing is a passion for me, and hopefully I'll be able to come back to it soon.

Now, on to the good stuff.  ;)

Introducing: Miller!

Miller David was born on December 2, 2012 at 7:41 p.m.  He arrived 6 days late, which drove me crazy every minute that I wasn't going into labor.  We made one "false alarm" trip to the hospital during the week, and I cried a LOT because I was just so ready to be done being pregnant.

FINALLY, I was induced the morning on December 2.  My OB broke my water, but did not immediately begin pitocin.  She hoped that my labor would begin naturally since I was already 3 cm dilated.  She broke my water around 9 am, and contractions began getting more intense around 11:00, but they were never that bad.  I kept standing, walking around, swaying, anything to keep the contractions coming, because if I sat down or stopped moving, the contractions spaced out and became less intense.

Around 3:00 pm, the nurses changed shifts, and I was hoping they would check my progress, but they didn't.  I was beginning to get frustrated because I felt like nothing was really happening.  I was ready for some pitocin to move things along, but the nurse didn't mention it, and I hadn't seen my OB since she broke my water 6 hours earlier.

When the nurse came to check on us around 4:45, my frustration boiled over.  I was crying because I was just sick of all of it, and I told her that I wanted them to start the pitocin.  She told me that it was no problem, and she would check with the doctor and get it started as soon as possible.  Apparently, they had been waiting for me to ask for it the whole day.  This temporarily frustrated me more...

I just wanted to see this face

Also, they STILL hadn't checked my progress.  I will never know if I had made any progress, but I feel like my body must not understand how to go into labor on its own.  The pitocin (and craziness) began around 5:30, and contractions immediately became really strong, and really close together.  M called his mom, who was taking care of Evie, to tell her what was going on.  I laid in the bed crying while I listened to him talk to Evie, I was just so frustrated, and in pain, and I missed her so much.  And worst of all, since they STILL hadn't checked my cervix, I thought that I might be in labor for 5 - 6 more hours.

Around 6:30, I asked for the epidural.   It took about 20 - 30 minutes for the anesthesiologist to arrive and do the procedure.  My contractions were right on top of one another, and I was IN PAIN.  It was definitely more intense than when I got the epidural with Evie.  (I was about 5 - 6 cm when I got that epidural.)  I was shaking and I just felt out of control.

The anesthesiologist seemed to take forever.  He missed and had to place the catheter a 2nd time.  It was finally "in place" around 7:10 pm.  They FINALLY checked my cervix.  I was 10 cm!!  The nurse asked if I wanted to relax for a little while before I started pushing, but I said no.  I don't think the epidural was placed well at all.  I could still feel pretty much everything, but it wasn't quite as strong.  I just wanted to get the baby out!!!!!

The nurse ran into the hallway yelling for the doctor to get in there and wash her hands.  I think that the nurse thought the baby was about to fall out of me...ha ha ha!!  I began pushing and it took longer than I thought it would for my second baby.  I had heard so many stories about how it only took two pushes the second time, or two contractions.  I only pushed for 45 minutes with Evie, so I thought that that would be me too.

Evie meeting Miller for the first time

 The epidural was doing NOTHING for me at this point (at least I was sure I could feel everything).  It took about 20 minutes and 10 -12 contractions for Miller to get here.  I was yelling at M to stop touching me.  I even told the doctor to stop touching me at one point, only to find out that it was the baby crowning.  Yup, I was "that girl."  In hindsight, it's kind of funny. :)

At 7:41 pm, Miller made his appearance.  He weighed 8 pounds 6 ounces and was 21.5 inches long.  He was healthy from the beginning, which was different from Evie.  She only weighed 5 lbs. 15 oz. and she spent her 1st night in the NICU because she wasn't breathing very well and had a lot of fluid in her lungs.   I couldn't believe how big Miller was...2 1/2 lbs. bigger than Evie!! 

Holding baby brother

Over a month in, things are going pretty well.  The first week was rough.  I had a spinal headache from my {failed} epidural, and I spent an afternoon in the ER because of that.  Evie has been adjusting better since that first week too. I think I'm having a harder time than she is.  I feel like I just can't give her enough...or Miller for that matter, but that's a topic for a different post...

Hopefully I will be able to write more frequently.  I have so many things to write about, but time is the issue.  I began this post on December 31, if that gives you any idea of what I mean.  ;)  

In his Christmas jammies

To say that motherhood is bliss wouldn't be totally accurate at this point.  I am still getting to know Miller, and Evie and I are working on what the "new normal" means for us.  I can say that Miller has completed our family.  It's impossible to remember what life was like before he was born, and seeing M sitting on the couch holding Miller and reading a book to Evie melts my heart.

This is our family. 

Hand Turkeys and Playing in the Park

As I've written quite frequently in the past few weeks, I'm attempting to prepare for Evie to go from "only child" to "older child."  At this point, the transition is harder for me that it probably will be for her.  I am just worried.  I want her to be happy, and I don't want her to feel like we are not giving her the attention that she has always had from us.  However, I know that is impossible.  All of our lives are changing in a big way, and there's nothing we can do to stop it. 

I didn't know I'd feel this guilty about it all though.  I've probably been coddling Evie a bit more lately that I had in the past, and I feel like she's been more clingy that before too.  She needs me to do things that M used to do for her.  Honestly though, it hasn't bothered me.  I am happy to know that she still wants me, and as much as that might be a burden in the near future, I'm cherishing this time when I can indulge her.

For me, I feel like so  much is changing already, and the baby isn't even here yet.  My maternity leave sub started on Friday, and I'm having a hard time letting go of my kids at school.  I had a particularly rough day on with him being there, but when I got to daycare to pick up Evie, she gave me this. 

Evie's first ever "hand turkey"

My heart melted.  An older kid helped trace her hand, and then she colored it (in spectacular, two-year-old fashion).  Evie was so proud of herself!  It is now displayed on our fridge.  :)

I'm also grateful that the weather was beautiful here in Wisconsin over the weekend (highs in the 50s!), and we were able to spend time outside.  M put up the outside Christmas decorations yesterday while Evie and I did some yard work.  After her nap, we were able to go to the park for a while too.

Going down the slide

Just running around

We have no idea how much time we have left like this (two weeks at the most!).  As much as I'm excited and ready to meet this baby, I'm also enjoying every moment that I can just me and Evie. 

Prepping for #2

The countdown is on.  I'm officially less than two weeks from my due date, and physically I am VERY ready to have this baby!!!  (I'm sick of the indignity of my husband hoisting me off of the couch, among other pleasant symptoms of being 38+ weeks pregnant.)  Sleep is no relief anymore because I'm so uncomfortable, and I hate being winded from getting out of my car.  

I'm ready to meet this kid.  

Baby boy at 9 weeks

Preparing for this little one hasn't felt too much different that preparing for Evie.  There has been less stuff to buy.  We already owned the boppy, breast pump, bottles, neutral newborn clothing (we didn't know that Evie was going to be a girl until she was born), burp rags, etc, and we were fortunate that many friends and relatives gave us hand me down clothing after we found out that we were having a boy this time around.  But overall, getting a room ready was about the same and the overall pregnancy experience has been about the same.

Then there's Evie.  That's been the big difference.  I am more concerned about her than the baby at this point.  I have taken care of a newborn before, so I know what to expect with crying jags (from both of us!), sleep deprivation, sore nipples, and constipation fussiness, but I am so worried about Evie it actually makes me feel a little sick inside.

Part of it is probably guilt.  I give her my everything right now.  How can I give everything to two kids???  I know that having a younger sibling isn't going to damage her for life (my younger sisters are two of my best friends), but how will she adapt in the present?  We've been reading books about becoming a big sister and she helped decorate the nursery.  We've tried to involve her every step of the way, but I know that the baby is still very abstract to her at this point.

Evie is baby crazy right now.  She loves helping my sister with my niece.  She holds the bottle, she helps change diapers, she plays *gently* with the baby.  She loves her baby dolls.  She has to take one of them to bed with her every night and she cuddles with her and reads stories to her, but I know it won't be the same when it's a real live baby that Mommy is taking of too.

Evie and Baby

I don't want to over-think this.  "Mom guilt" is probably just getting the best of me right now.  We're all going to be fine.  I'm ready to have this baby and begin the adjustment to a family of four.  Evie will love her little brother, I just hope that it doesn't take her too long to realize that.  :)

Moms of two (or more): What did you do to ease the transition for your older child(ren)?  How did they adjust once the baby was born?