Why I Blog

This blog is not an update for family and friends around the country.  Actually none of my family or friends even know that I do this, nor do I want them to.  I don't have a need to share the minutiae of my life with the world.  This blog does serve as a means to document Evie's childhood, but it's about me too. 

If someone asked me, "So, why do you blog?" the answer would be relatively simple.  I love to write.  I may not be great at it, but I've always enjoyed writing.  I used to keep a journal, from the time that I was 13 all the way through college and those tricky first years after college.  I love to look back at it and read about the things that were SO amazing/devastating/dramatic at the time.  (My favorite entry is about the first time that M told me he loved me...January 16, 2002.  Yup, I'm a sap like that.)

In high school, I had a knot in my stomach turning in English papers, afraid that my teacher would judge me for my thoughts.  I got over that my senior year because of an amazing English teacher who was incredibly hard on his students, but also believed that each of us could live up to his expectations.  As a teacher myself, I have even more respect for him now.

In college, I enjoyed writing papers.  I actually looked forward to writing my 40-page master's thesis last year. (I'm also a nerd like that.)  Researching was not my favorite, but putting all of my findings and ideas down on paper was a great experience.   I love to tweak and edit.  I often publish a post, and then go back and change it 5 or 6 times because I decide I don't like a certain word or the way I originally phrased something.

In another life, I think I was meant to be a writer.  Blogging is my way of putting my thoughts down on "paper" with the added bonus of reading others' thoughts about similar topics.  I have been surprised by some of the connections that I have found in the blogging world.  I never thought that this could help me through a tough time or make me laugh the way it has.  Blogging will definitely be a part of my life in 2012!!

One funny story:  Once, I actually even said in a job interview, when the interviewer asked what my dream job would be, that I would love to be a travel writer.  The interview was not for a teaching job, but for a position as a receptionist at a bank.  What was I supposed to say???  "I want to answer your phone for the rest of my life."  What a terrible interview question!!!  I got the job, and promptly left it 6 months later for my first teaching job.  ;)

Am I just expecting too much?

Like most working moms, I feel an immense amount of guilt about leaving my daughter at daycare each day.  I bring Evie to a woman's house (we'll call her "Mary Poppins") each day.  While she is there, there are also two other kids full time (a girl who is almost 2 and a boy is almost 3). There is a little boy who is 3 1/2 who is in preschool some days and at Mary's house the other days, and another little girl who just turned 5 who is only there half days after 4K.  Evie LOVES being around the other kids.  Many of them are the children of other teachers that I work with, which is nice too. 

Ms. Poppins is very caring and loving with all of the kids, but I never know how feel about some of the things that she says.  I just can't read her, and it makes me wonder about what is going on all day with all of those kids.  I wonder if they watch too much TV (I know Nick Jr is on most of the day).  I wonder if Evie was in the Exersaucer too much and that's why she didn't crawl until she was over 11 months old.  I wonder if Mary is giving her enough love and attention. 

Do all mothers feel this way about  leaving their child in someone else's care?  Do I just expect too much?

Some days when I pick up Evie, little things confirm that icky feeling in my stomach too.  Last week Tuesday Evie had a little scratch under her eye.  I didn't even notice it, but Mary mentioned that she had had a boo boo earlier in the day.  Because she brought it up, I asked what happened.  (Very nonchalantly, I honestly didn't mean to be accusatory...kids fall down and get bumps and bruises, especially kids like Evie that are mastering the art of walking.)  Her response caught me off guard.  She said, "I don't know."   There was no elaboration at all, just an awkward pause before I said, "Oh, well kids get bumps and bruises.  No biggie." 

Many people probably would just switch daycares if they felt even slightly uneasy, but there are several reasons that I stay with her.  The biggest reason is that Evie always seems happy to go to Mary's house.  She is so excited to see Mary and the other kids that she practically falls out of my arms on the way into the house each morning.  If Mary was really doing a bad job, she wouldn't be that happy, right?

I know that Evie is not in any danger.  I know that Mary is a very capable caregiver.  I know how much Evie loves the other kids there.  I think (like M said at the beginning of the school year) I just won't be happy unless I'm the one taking care of her all day.

Only 7 more months until summer...

Teaching vs. Parenting

I began teaching fresh out of college at the ripe old age of barely 23 years old.  I learned a lot in my first few years, but becoming a parent has taught me more about my job that I ever thought it could.  I'm sure that as Evie begins school and I have to deal with teachers from a parent's perspective, I'll learn even more. 

So far, here are a few examples:

• I don't sweat the small stuff as much as I used to.  (This one is a work in progress.)
• I feel more confident talking to my students' parents because now I am a parent myself.
• I am more organized.  I have to be.
• I know how my students' parents must have felt about them when they were babies.  This makes it easier to be compassionate.
• I am not as quick to judge my students' families.  I truly believe that every parent is doing the best they can with what they have.  I have to trust that each family is doing the right thing for themselves, even if I don't agree with their choice, or it's not what I think I would do. 

On the contrary, being a teacher did have a impact on my choice to become a parent, and also how I will raise my child.  I imagine that everyone thinks, "I'll definitely do/not do fill-in-the-blank  when I have a kid," but teaching has shown me that it doesn't always work out that way.  No one can control anyone else, even (or maybe, especially) his/her own child.

•  Teachers (or coaches, etc.) can give you a fresh perspective on your child.  I mean this both positively and negatively.  Some parents have a jaded view of their child as an angel or a devil.  If a teacher tells you something unexpected about your child, go home and talk to your child about it.  You might be surprised.
• Evie is fortunate to have everything she needs, two loving parents, and a stable home.  This helps when it comes to education, but it doesn't equal a ticket to the ivy league.  She is not entitled, nor does it mean that she will automatically be a good student.
• I know what to expect if Evie is eligible for services for exceptional needs.
• I will speak to her teacher as though they are the expert in their own classroom.  If/When we disagree, I will be respectful of him/her as a professional.  
• I will try to be realistic in my expectations of my child.

I'm proud to be a public educator, and Evie will attend a public school.  We're still not sure if it will be in the district where I teach, or in the district where we live.    I hope that being a teacher will help me have a balanced outlook on her education, and I'll probably even learn a thing or two about my own job in the process! 

Panama Bound!! Woot woot!!

Yup, I'm going here!!

Every other year, one of my co-teachers and I take a group of kids to a Spanish-speaking country.  In 2008 we went to Mexico City, did a homestay in Cuernavaca, and then spent a few days on the beach in Acapulco.  In 2010 our Spanish club took a trip to Costa Rica.  I couldn't go because I was 8 1/2 months pregnant.  Boo for missing out on the trip, but I got over it when Evie was born.  ;)

Next summer we'll be in Panama for 9 days in July.  We'll be staying with Panamanian families the whole time we are there.  We will get to see the Panama Canal, all kinds of jungle animals, and zip-line through the rain forest!  The kids will go to a language school for a few hours a day each day too. 

On the past two trips, we have done a small amount of service work and it's gone over really well with the students.  So on this trip, we are going to be spending three afternoons helping out at a Panamanian orphanage.  We went to an orphanage in Mexico too.  While it was a sobering experience, it was also great to know that we had helped out.

I can't wait to get some more stamps on my passport!!!

Why I Dread Fridays

I coached cheerleading for the past 6 years.  I fell into the job my first year teaching.  The former coach was leaving and someone somehow heard that I was a cheerleader in high school.  That qualified me for the job. 
The first year was rough, and  I wasn't sure if I would coach for a second season.  I'm glad I did though because I had a fresh start with new girls, who were "my" girls. 

In my third season, I started a competition team.  We never did the best, but we sure had fun!!  I was more nervous than most of the girls were when they performed.  I really loved those girls, and I still keep in contact with a couple of them that graduated a few years ago.  Even my most horrible day in my classroom was always better when I could go to cheer practice, have fun, and just forget about everything else for a while. 

I quit after competition season ended in February this year.  The time commitment was just too much.  The season begins in June and ends in late February/early March.  Practices 4 days a week, and games on Fridays during football season.  Practices, games, and competitions all day on Saturday during basketball season.  I actually had to pick Evie up from daycare, to bring her to another babysitter so that I could go to practice.  (My daycare closed before my practices ended.)  She and I got home after 6:00 most nights, and I felt like it was just a rush to eat dinner and put her to bed.  As much as it killed me to quit, I knew that I was making the right decision for her.

Fast forward to Fridays at school.  The past two Fridays I've been miserable.  I see "my" girls in their uniforms, and the football players in their jerseys.  I miss being on the sidelines, I miss riding the bus to away games, I miss spending time with "my" team.  I've even secretly hoped that the new coach (a great girl, fresh out of college like I was when I started) quits so that I can take over again next year. 

Most people look forward to Friday all week, but I'm dreading tomorrow. 

Wordless Wednesday - Back to School (and Evie walking!)

I know I'm a week late, but better late than never!  :)

On our way out the door on the first day!

Oh, and a video of Evie walking...a little. 

She has attempted walking several times over the past few days, but it usually ends with a face plant.  Last night she fell flat on her back, which was actually kind of scary.  I know it takes time, but I hope she gets better at it soon so I don't have to worry about her as much!!

Back to School/Daycare/Rambling

School started today!  Well, I've back at work for a couple of days, but today was the first day for kids all over Wisconsin.  It was nice to see my students again.  Because I'm in such a small school district, I teach a lot of the kids each year when they are in 7th through 10th grade.  I really get to know them and it's fun to hear what they've been up to over the summer.  They get to know me personally too, and many of them were excited to hear about my summer with the baby. 

Evie has been doing very well at daycare the past few days.  She hasn't bitten anyone...not that I know of anyway...lol!  (See post below for more info.)  She has been eating and napping well, and she's been tuckered out each night too!!  Our daycare provider works out of her home, and she has Evie and three other little ones full time.  A few more kids are there after school each day too.  I think that Evie enjoys the time with the other kids, and I think she's been worn out from playing all day!

We really like our daycare, but sometimes I just have an unsettled feeling about it.  Don't misunderstand, she does a great job.  She is caring, experienced, a great mom to her own teenage daughters, but I always worry that something won't go quite right.  I'm a worrier to the core.  I worry about EVERYTHING, and having a child has made me an even bigger worrier. 

A few weeks ago I was having a mini-meltdown about Evie going back to daycare and M said, "You really won't be happy unless you are the only one taking care of her."  I was taken aback, but he's right.  No matter how great our babysitter is, I'll always feel guilty about leaving her and I'll wish that I was with her.  And honestly, what mother doesn't believe that she would take the best care of her own child???

 I'm fortunate that my job allows me the time that I have with Evie.  I'm also fortunate that I love my job.  I guess it's just the age-old struggle of a working mom.  Wherever I am, I will probably always feel like I'm supposed to be doing my other job.

Busy, Busy Weekend

It's been a crazy week at our house!!  First there was Evie's surgery.  She has pretty much completely recovered, and her eye looks great!  I think that the blockage has been cleared up, and hopefully there won't be any more eye goop problems. 

Thursday morning, Evie and I made the couple hour trip to my parent's house.  Both of my sisters were there too, which was really nice.  My parent's house is fairly big, but when my sisters are both there with their husbands, and M and I are there with Evie, it seems like you can't find an empty corner.  To make matters worse, one of my sisters has two LARGE black labs, plus Keeka thrown into the mix, and the house seems more like a zoo.  M, Evie, and I have been sleeping at my grandparent's house across the street when we visit to alleviate some of the commotion.  It's nice to spend a little more time with my grandparents too.  They are only in their early 70s, and I hope that Evie will be able to really get to know them.

Saturday morning M and I had to leave early to come back home.  We had tickets to The Great Taste of the Midwest, which is a craft beer festival.  M works for a beer distributor and he received some leftover tickets through work.  I am not the beer snob that he is, but I still thought it was pretty neat.  Imbibing to intoxication is not really the point of the festival, but it's pretty much unavoidable.  We tried A LOT of good beers, and had fun hanging out just the two of us. 

Yesterday was spent recovering and playing with Evie.  I have to begin going to school this week to prepare my classroom.  I can't believe that I only have two more weeks before school starts!!  I know it's cliche, but time sure does fly when you are having fun.  I'm looking forward to a new school year.  I'm not coaching this year, and I finished my master's degree in May, and there are so many cool things I want to try out this year.  I feel like I'll have more time to focus on implementing and perfecting some of the things that I learned in my master's program. 

Before all of that, I need to clean my house.  I better get to it before Evie wakes up!!  

And it's....

summer vacation!!  As of 11:30 this morning, I was officially on summer vacation.  What a wonderful feeling!  I'm going to be teaching summer school for the next four weeks, but it's only a few hours each morning. 

I went back to work exactly 7 months ago today, and I hate to admit that I've been counting down for a while.  Overall, the school year went relatively well.  I made it through with a baby, I finished my master's degree, and I coached the winter season of cheerleading.  It wasn't even that long ago and I'm already wondering how I did it all.  I definitely owe M for helping make it happen. :)

I have a few projects planned.  I really want to speak only Spanish with Evie while we're at home.  I'm hoping that she'll pick up a bit, and eventually become bilingual.  I want to do some genealogy research on M's side of the family.  He doesn't know much about his family heritage, and I want to be able to tell Evie about it someday.  I also really want to paint a few rooms, and shampoo the carpets (which I've been putting off since spring break). 

I know we need to relax a bit too.  I'm sure that we will have a lot of fun at the park, taking walks with the dog, and playing outside.  We're already beginning to plan Evie's 1st birthday party next month, and M and I are taking a trip to Vegas with some college friends.  There is so much to look forward to!! 

An end in sight

Only three more days of school until summer vacation!  I feel so fortunate that I will have this extra time with Evie.  I am excited about all of the things that we will get to do together, like play in the pool, go for walks to the park, and so much more!  I feel like we'll be able to do more than when I was on maternity leave because I won't have to worry about being home to nurse her every two hours.   

As much as I love this glimpse into the life of a stay at home mom, I know that it's not the job for me.  Not full time, at least.  I think that I'm a better mom when I can contribute outside of the home as well.  Also, the energy necessary to take care of Evie all day, every day amazes me.  I give stay at home moms so much credit for being able to engage their kids all day, and maintain their own sanity too. 

But really, all I'm thinking right now is....WOO HOOO!!!!!  SUMMER!!!!!!