How I Quit Breastfeeding

A few months ago, I wrote about the last time that I nursed Evie.  At the time, I had mixed emotions about being done.  I knew that it was time.  Evie was ready.  I was ready to have my body to myself for a while.  But I knew that I would miss sharing the bond that only she and I could have.  Oh, and I would miss the ease of calming her down just by nursing her. 

In truth, the process to wean started about 5 months before that, when Evie was 11 months old.  We went through a rough patch when she became more mobile.  Evie was a late crawler, and up to that point, breastfeeding had been easy for us.  We didn't have latch problems when she was a newborn.  I was fortunate to never experience thrush or mastitis.  Aside from a nasty dairy allergy that prohibited me from eating any dairy for about 6 months, nursing was a piece of cake for us. 

About a month before Evie's 1st birthday, nursing became a huge battle.  Probably because it had been so easy for so long, I really didn't know how to handle it.  My supply was dropping.  I cried when I wrote this post, because I thought that I would wean her and breastfeeding would just be over for us.

I toyed with our schedule and I dropped a couple of feedings in which Evie was most distracted.  This worked great for us!!  I was so relieved that I could continue to nurse her.  From June to November, we gradually dropped feedings.  In mid-November, I knew that the end was near.  I was only feeding her every other night before bed, and my supply was awful. 

Evie went through the transition without noticing the difference.  At least, it didn't seem like she noticed.  That made me feel better.  It was probably harder on me than on her.  I still miss our quiet time, but I know that I did the right thing all along.  I did what she needed, and I'll always feel good about that. 

It's Over

I'm officially done breastfeeding.  Last night was my last time nursing Evie for the foreseeable future.  I might nurse to relieve pressure in the next week or so....if there is any pressure.  I went from Wednesday through Sunday without nursing, and my boobs barely even felt full last night.

Evie is ready.  I'm ready.  I'm looking forward to having my body back to myself, but it's kind of strange to think that I'm done.  I never thought that breastfeeding would become such a huge part of my life.  Everyone's experience is different, but breastfeeding became part of my identity for the past 16 months.  Especially in the beginning, my life was completely centered around feeding Evie: perfecting our latch, keeping up my milk supply, pumping, cutting out dairy, nighttime feedings, etc, etc, etc.


I don't really feel sad about it right now.  I did a few months ago, when I felt like we were being forced to quit, but now I know we are ending on our terms.  Now, I just feel grateful that we were able to successfully breastfeed for so long.

Even when it was difficult, I wouldn't change a thing.

Oh yeah, I was supposed to be weaning my child

I have written about cutting back on how much I'm breastfeeding Evie a few times (here and here, for example), but it's really not going like I expected.  I thought that I would have completely weaned her by now.  I'm not upset/disappointed/happy/sad or really any feeling at all about it.  I honestly kind of forgot that I was "trying" to wean her. 

My whole breastfeeding goal was originally "as long as I can possibly do it."  I hoped we'd make it for 6 - 8 months.  After that goal was obviously attainable, my new goal became one year.    In June when she fought me at every feeding, I just started dropping a feeding here and there, and eventually we found our new rhythm.  I've been nursing her only in the morning and before bed since late July.  It works really well for us...until I tried to screw it up.

I'm not very happy on the mini-pill, so, at my physical last month my doctor prescribed the regular pill because I thought that I would be done nursing by the time I finished the current pack of mini-pills.  Of course, silly me, in the time between my doctor's appointment and running out of the mini pill, I forgot to cut out those last two feedings and actually wean my child.  Oops!!!  

So my new plan was to take the regular pill and see what happens.  That lasted two days.  My supply dropped very quickly.  (It was already a little low because I had had my period.)  Evie was not happy with fruit and cheerios minus the boob for breakfast, and seeing her upset made me feel awful. 

M and I had a pretty serious talk about how long we were both comfortable with continuing to breastfeed.  I want to keep going until Evie is ready to be done.  I was very worried that M wouldn't like that idea.  He's been amazingly supportive of breastfeeding, but he has had a hard time with some of the struggles of nursing an older baby (the biting, squirming, distractibility stuff).   I was easily frustrated until Evie and I found our groove, and he took the brunt of my frustration.  Did I mention he's a pretty good guy to put up with that??  

Fortunately, after talking it over, we realized that we are on the same page.  I called my doctor and switched back to the mini-pill.  Weaning will happen when it's supposed to, and it feels good to know we're all happy to take it at Evie's pace.     

1/2/12 - Edited to Add:  Evie is now completely weaned.  The last time she nursed was around Thanksgiving.  I miss our quiet breastfeeding time, but I'm happy to have a running, jumping, bouncing, talking toddler to spend my time with now.  :)

Breastfeeding Body Changes

This week's Breastfeeding Blog Hop topic is "Body Changes" associated with breastfeeding.  For me, there have only been a few significant changes, but I think there will be more to come with weaning. 

First was the weight loss.  I was ASTONISHED at how quickly I lost my pregnancy weight, and then some.  I gained 40 pounds during my pregnancy, and I've lost 60 pounds since little miss was born.  I was back at my pre-pregnancy weight by the time Evie was 3 months old, and I lost the last 20 pounds by the time she was 6 months.  I didn't do much other than breast feed.  I went on a lot of walks on my maternity leave, and I also had to cut out dairy because of her milk allergy, but I wasn't actively trying to lose the weight.  Selfishly, I am nervous that I will gain it all back when I wean her, but I know that there are worse things that could happen.  And to be honest, I wasn't really unhappy with my pre-pregnancy weight.

I was very fortunate that AF didn't show her ugly face for quite a while.  I didn't get my first postpartum period until Evie was 8 months old.  I didn't miss it AT ALL!!  Now, every time she shows up my supply tanks.  She also has this really annoying habit of being COMPLETELY unpredictable.  

I had a hard time in the beginning adjusting to the idea that my body was not mine.  Obviously, I experienced this while pregnant too, but for some reason, it felt more noticeable when I began breastfeeding.  I think it was the idea of having another human, that I could actually see, latched to me practically 24/7.  Now that I'm beginning to wean, I am almost nostalgic for that time...Thanks, momnesia!  LOL.

Lastly is the boobies.  I was never an incredibly well endowed chica to start off, but as I'm beginning to cut down on feedings, I feel like the girls are shrinking by the day.  I know that some of this probably has to do with the weight loss too, but I'm getting a little worried.  I was a respectable B cup before, and I don't think that those bras are going to fit anymore.  I have joked (really joking, I would never actually do this) to M that we could use the money we saved breastfeeding so that I can get a boob job when I'm done.  Of course, he hasn't said anything about it, one way or the other.  ;)

Overall, most of the body changes that I have had due to breastfeeding have been positive, and I would never give up breastfeeding just to prevent the few negative changes.