Hand Turkeys and Playing in the Park

As I've written quite frequently in the past few weeks, I'm attempting to prepare for Evie to go from "only child" to "older child."  At this point, the transition is harder for me that it probably will be for her.  I am just worried.  I want her to be happy, and I don't want her to feel like we are not giving her the attention that she has always had from us.  However, I know that is impossible.  All of our lives are changing in a big way, and there's nothing we can do to stop it. 

I didn't know I'd feel this guilty about it all though.  I've probably been coddling Evie a bit more lately that I had in the past, and I feel like she's been more clingy that before too.  She needs me to do things that M used to do for her.  Honestly though, it hasn't bothered me.  I am happy to know that she still wants me, and as much as that might be a burden in the near future, I'm cherishing this time when I can indulge her.

For me, I feel like so  much is changing already, and the baby isn't even here yet.  My maternity leave sub started on Friday, and I'm having a hard time letting go of my kids at school.  I had a particularly rough day on with him being there, but when I got to daycare to pick up Evie, she gave me this. 

Evie's first ever "hand turkey"

My heart melted.  An older kid helped trace her hand, and then she colored it (in spectacular, two-year-old fashion).  Evie was so proud of herself!  It is now displayed on our fridge.  :)

I'm also grateful that the weather was beautiful here in Wisconsin over the weekend (highs in the 50s!), and we were able to spend time outside.  M put up the outside Christmas decorations yesterday while Evie and I did some yard work.  After her nap, we were able to go to the park for a while too.

Going down the slide

Just running around

We have no idea how much time we have left like this (two weeks at the most!).  As much as I'm excited and ready to meet this baby, I'm also enjoying every moment that I can just me and Evie. 

Please don't let my child inherit this trait

I'm a worrier.  I worry about everything under the sun.  Hell, I worry about the sun!  (Did we remember the sun block!?!!?!?)

Seriously, Mom, just chill out!!!

This is nothing new.  Going off to college sent me into a panic for a full couple of years preceding the actual event.  Waiting for my flight to Spain to study abroad, I fainted in the airport bathroom.  Job interviews were enough to take me out for about a week at a time.  My first year of teaching basically involved me making it through each class to collapse in a pile of nerves after my students left my classroom.

Now that I'm a parent, I even worry about how much I worry.  (Not to mention that there's a lot more to worry about now too!)  I don't want Evie to live her life consumed by anxiety, but I know that I'm not setting a very good example.  I never want her to hesitate to say how she feels, or to miss an opportunity to do something great all because it might not work out the way she plans.

This is one of my biggest dreams for Evie.  Someday I hope that she'll be confident and never second guess herself - the total opposite of me.

Of course, I want her to have my amazing sense of humor and style.  :-P  But I really hope she knows how to relax and go with the flow too!!

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Want to link up with Toddle Along Tuesday?  Click the button.  This week's topic is "Traits you want (or don't want) your child to inherit."

My Hopes and Dreams

Evie,
My hopes and dreams for you are pretty simple:

I hope that you always follow your heart and listen to your gut.

I hope that you have big dreams.

I hope that you keep your innocent sense of humor as long as possible...don't become too jaded too soon.

I hope that your never settle.  You can do anything you set your mind to.

Most of all, I hope that you are happy....whatever happiness means for you.  Your dad and I will be there for you every step of the way.  If you fall down, screw up, or just have a bad day, you can always count on us to listen and help in any way that we can. 

We love you so much!!





P.S.  This topic reminds me of Tina Fey's "The Mother's Prayer for Its Daughter" from her book Bossypants.

Here is an excerpt:

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.  Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For Childhood is short - a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day - And Adulthood is long and Dry-Humping in Cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers, And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes Lord, That I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M. all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.
"My mother did this for me once," she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby's neck.  "My mother did this for me."  And delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget.  But I'll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen

When you grow up...

Mi hijita,

As each milestone passes, I know that you are one step closer to being your own independent person.  I try not to mourn the passing of each stage, and I also try not to hope for unpleasant stages to pass either.  I try to enjoy each moment as it happens. 

As much as I attempt that, whenever I look at you, I can't help but think about the future... 

Could you be a piano prodigy?

 Could you be the star of your high school basketball team?  (If that happens, you DEFINITELY didn't inherit those genes from your mama, trust me!!)

Could you find the cure for some horrible disease?

Could you be a great friend/mother/wife?

Of course I've dreamed of what you'll be, but what I want most for you is happiness

...whatever that looks like for you. 

This post was written as part of the Breastfeeding Blog Hop... 

which is open to ALL mamas 

and has nothing to do with breastfeeding this week!!!  

If you'd like to link up, go to Life with Levi and add your blog to list!!