Asking the interwebz for some help

I had a cute post all planned for today.  After being gone for 2 and a half weeks, I was all ready to tell you about how amazing our trip was, and show you pictures of all of the cool things we saw and did...and then I tried to go grocery shopping this morning. 

I'm afraid that Evie has officially entered the "terribles twos."  The tantrums have been manageable, and mostly in the privacy of our own home until recently.  Also, until recently, they haven't been violent towards anyone.  She has hit me a few times in the past couple of months, and we took it very seriously.  We created a timeout space, and put her there whenever she was violent (mostly hitting, biting a little bit).  It was relatively few and far between, I think we put her on timeout a total of 3 - 4 times between April and June 10th.

However, while we were gone on our trip, the episodes of violence grew exponentially.  She had a violent outburst like this about every other day.  I chalked it up to being in a strange place, away from her father, etc.  I disciplined her as much as I could, but these incidents often occurred in public, which means no timeout space, and the whole world is watching (read: judging) how you react.  Being in a different culture, where I'm unsure of the social norms for disciplining your child in public made it even more difficult. 

I was hoping that it would be better when we got home, but this morning at the grocery store, she bit my hand so hard that she left a bruise.  She was upset that I strapped her into the shopping cart.  Fortunately, I hadn't really started my shopping yet.  I immediately carried her out of the store.  We went to the car in the parking lot, where I attempted to explain to her that she hurt me and that biting is wrong.  I say "attempted" because I felt like she got her way in the end: she didn't have to ride in the shopping cart.  I feel completely defeated.  In her mind, biting equaled getting her way. 

So, that's where my plea for advice comes in.  Does your toddler have outbursts in public?  How have you handled it?  We need to act immediately.  She needs to learn that sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do, and biting/hitting are not the appropriate reactions. 

Please tell me about your system for dealing with tantrums in public.  I'd love to hear any suggestions that anyone can give me.  I promise a cute post from our trip over the weekend....  :)

Eating Issues

Evie has always been a pretty good eater.  She is no pickier than the average toddler, but lately mealtimes have been a BATTLE!!!  She won't sit in her high chair.  She won't eat anything I put in front of her.  But she will run for the cupboard that the graham crackers are in as soon as I am done cleaning up whatever meal she hasn't eaten.

One of Evie's first meals in her high chair

Today, she didn't eat a single "real" meal.  She ate half a yogurt cup for breakfast (she usually finishes the whole cup), ate most of a fruit and veggie pouch for lunch (they are only 3.5 oz of baby food style fruits and veggies), and for dinner she ate two graham crackers because I gave up and just let her have them.  Her weight is fine, so I'm not worried about her health (at this point), but I'm more frustrated by the fact that she throws a fit every time I try to put her in her high chair.  Even bribing her with her beloved yogurt bites doesn't do the trick anymore.  When she actually wants to eat, she wants to sit in my lap to do it.

It's bad at home, but it's even worse when we go out to eat.  M and I have always enjoyed going out for dinner on the weekends.  (Seriously, who wants to cook on the weekends?!?!)  Having a child didn't really slow us down.  Evie has always been pretty good at restaurants, and we usually stick with places that are kid friendly.  (Buffalo Wild Wings is our favorite - it's loud and there are lots of distractions...and really good wings!!)  Since Evie has wanted to sit on my lap to eat, we have to eat in shifts.  M hurries to finish his meal.  By the time he is done, Evie is sick of sitting at the table, so I eat by myself while he wanders around the restaurant trying to entertain her.

I think times are a-changing.  We are going to try a booster seat at home to see if that novelty will get her back in the habit of eating in her own chair and not in my lap.  M and I had a talk yesterday about the fact that we may not be able to go out to eat as much for the next few months.  :(  I suppose we'll save some money...or just start ordering take out, lol.  I know that it's just a phase, but it's sure a frustrating one!!!

I'd love to hear some suggestions!!  Have you had any similar issues with your child?  How did you get through it?

Advice to my future self (and other Mommas to be)

Now that Evie is a year and a half old, everyone in my life (except for me) seems to think it's time for me to get knocked up again.  I've been thinking about what I would do differently next time (if there is a next time).  Honestly, there isn't too much that I would change.  Like all new parents, M and I did the best we could with what we knew at the time, and there's nothing we can do to change it now.

M with Evie.  She was about 3 hours old.  Oh, if I only knew then what I know now!!

But anyway, here is my list of advice to my future self, should I decide to do this all over again someday:

• Stay away from all books written by Dr. Sears, Harvey Karp and Elizabeth Pantley.  Actually, don't read anything at all.  Do what feels right, because if it feels right, then it probably is.  (Caveats can be made for people who are truly clueless, which I totally was before Evie was born...but don't take the things you read too seriously, everything must be adjusted to work for you, your baby, and your situation.)
• Don't worry that the baby is sleeping too much during the first few weeks.  (Yup, I was actually concerned about this!)  Enjoy the quiet because it's not going to last for very long.
• Stay calm during baby meltdowns.  Really, you're just making it worse by getting worked up too.  The baby will be fine.  Hold her tight and let her know you care, but don't flip out if she doesn't stop crying immediately.  
•  Take other people's advice with a grain of salt (kind of like the reading thing).  Even if it's someone that you completely trust and respect, what worked for them may not be the best thing for you.  
• Lastly, be cool, calm, relaxed and confident.  Taking care of a baby is hard work, and you're doing just fine.  :)  (Wow, that one made tear up a little...maybe I need to follow my own advice right now.)

This mom thing is quite a roller coaster.  You're going to screw up...but you're also going to have the best reward in the world when your little boy/girl says "mommy" for the first time, or gives you a kiss when you drop him/her off at daycare.  Try to cherish those moments when everything else seems to be going to hell.  ;)


This was written as part of the Toddle Along Tuesday blog hop.  This week's topic is advice for Mommies to be.  Click the button to link up at Growing up Geeky!!

Sick Baby = Sad Mama

Over the weekend we had a few "firsts" at our house.  Unfortunately, they weren't the good kind of firsts. 

Saturday night, Evie vomited for the first time.  I mean like real puke, not spit up or drool with some leftover food in it.   Real, grown-up barf.  She doesn't have the flu, but she's had a cough for about a week now.  She actually coughed so hard that she threw up.  It was about an hour after she went to bed that I heard her coughing.  Sometimes she sleeps through it, but this time she started crying.  I could smell it as soon as I walked into the room.  (Eeeeeewwwwww!!!!) 

M and I have a deal that he takes care of all vomit situations (baby or dog), so he cleaned up her bedding while I gave her a bath.  She even had it in her hair.  (Double eeeeeewwwww!!!!)  After everything was cleaned up, I called the nurse on-call line to see if there was anything we could give her or do for her.  We gave her a little honey and stood in the bathroom with the hot water running so that she could breathe in the steam.  It actually worked pretty well and she slept the rest of the night. 

Yesterday she was lethargic all day.  Last night we took her temperature and it was 102.4.  This is the first time she's ever had a fever.  M stayed home with her today and she was feeling much better by tonight.  I'm going to send her to daycare tomorrow with strict instructions to call me if she seems even a little out of sorts. 

This is the first time that she's been sick this winter, other than a little cough back in December.  I forgot how much it sucks.  I hope she gets over it soon. 

Any tips to help her sleep with the cough????  PLEASE share...I'm willing to try anything to make her feel better!!!!

Donate Blood

A family member recently passed away from esophageal cancer.  To say that it's a hard time for his immediate family would be a gross understatement.  My extended family is very close-knit, and I know that this closeness will help everyone through this tough time.

After his diagnosis, he survived 11 months.  This was well beyond what the doctors originally imagined.  Blood transfusions were the major factor that extended his life.    

I used to think that blood transfusions were just for victims of accidents or people who had surgery.  Every day donated blood saves the lives of thousands of cancer patients, as well as those affected by other diseases.

I hope that anyone who is able to donate blood does so on a regular basis.

Tell me I'm crazy

Over then summer I set up homestays for some students from Spain to stay with some of my students here in Wisconsin.  In the process, I met the Spanish students' teacher.  She is a woman who is originally from Wisconsin, who married a Spaniard.  She has lived in Spain teaching English for about 10 years.  She and her husband have two kids who are a little older than Evie. While she was here, she offered a place for me, M, and Evie to stay for a month in Spain next summer. 

I didn't think much of it at the time, but it's been rattling around my brain since August.  I emailed her last week to ask about details, thinking that she probably was just being nice.  On Thursday morning she wrote back with 3 options for homestays for me, M, and Evie, all free of charge.  Our biggest expense would be the plane ticket over....which I could just buy for myself because Evie could still ride on my lap.  Because of his work schedule, there is no way that M could go with us for anything more than a week. 

I'm a world traveler.  I'd go pretty much anywhere I had the opportunity to go. M, on the other hand, is much pickier.  I feel lucky that, in less than 30 years, I've been to 3 continents,  and 7 countries.  He would be content to stay in our little suburb forever. 

It seems like a no-brainer.  Go.  How could I possibly pass up this opportunity?  It's been almost 10 years since I lived in Spain, and if we have another child in the near future, it's very possible that it will be anothter 10 before I have this chance agan.  The problem is that I can't imagine even a week without Evie, how can I ask M for 3- 4 weeks without her??? 

We're discussing it pretty intensively.  I know that there are many difficulties to travelling abroad with a 2 year old.  I'm ready to take them head on if I can have this opportunity.  I just feel so selfish for wanting this so badly.  Tell me I'm crazy, whether it's crazy to pass this up, or crazy to even think I can do this. 

We've got a biter!

Evie only has two teeth, but I'm pretty sure that she has a biting problem.  For a while, she bit me while she was nursing.  THANK GOD that has passed!!  But she still bites my arm/shoulder/chest/leg/foot/whatever she can.  It doesn't really hurt that much, but I'm still worried about it. 

I begin school tomorrow and my biggest fear is that Evie's babysitter will tell me she bit the other kids when I pick her up tomorrow afternoon.  When she bites me, I've been pulling away from her and saying "Ow, no biting!"  I don't know if it's working or not.  I think I just have to give it more time.  I feel a little better too that she hasn't tried to bite M or anyone else that I know of.  Hopefully she'll keep her teeth off of the other kids at daycare too!!!

Have any of you dealt with biting?  What have you done to stop it?  When did you little one outgrow it?

My Best Advice

When I was pregnant and planning to breastfeed, I had several discussions with a close friend who had success breastfeeding her first son.  She never told me that it would be easy, or that it comes naturally, or that it would be pain free....She was realistic.  She gave the best advice I received regarding breastfeeding, "It's going to suck at first.  It's going to hurt, and you're going to cry a lot.  But it will get better."

Maybe that sounds harsh, but it sure helped me.  It got me through the hard parts in the beginning.  When I cried because Evie wouldn't latch, or it felt like someone was taking a cheese grater to my nipples, I thought, "This is normal, we'll make it." Of course, this is not the best advice for everyone, but I think I needed a little tough love.  :)

I cannot believe that I am still breastfeeding a year later.  We are cutting back in the slow process of weaning.  I only nurse Evie in the morning and before bed these days, but we're still going.  I hope that Evie gets the benefits of this for the rest of her life.

I've seen this circulated on other websites, but in honor of World Breastfeeding Week, here it is again: 101 Reasons to Breastfeed.  

My boobs are worth what!?!?!?

By my estimates, somewhere between $1,800 and $2,880!!!

Because I'm slowly weaning Evie, I've been thinking about the money we've saved because I was able to  breastfeed for a year without having to supplement with formula. So, I sat down and crunched the numbers.  Evie was diagnosed with a milk allergy when she was a month old, and my pediatrician gave me a sample can of Similac Alimentum "just in case," so that's the brand I used to figure everything out.

Here is where things get a little math-y and technical:  on Amazon.com, a six pack of cans that would make 108 bottles costs about $120.  At the height of Evie's breastfeeding (from about 4 months to about 7 months), at daycare, she was eating three 6 ounce bottles each day, and I was nursing her 3 - 4 times at home.  I assume that she was probably eating as much when I nursed her, but I don't really have any way to know for sure.

This all means that from about December 1 to mid-February, she would have probably taken about 42 bottles a week, and we would have had to buy 4.6  of the $120 six packs of cans of formula.  Grand total - $600. (I'll round to 5.  You can't use 0.6 packs...)  I was amazed when I realized that was just for 2 and a half months!!!

Things get a little fuzzy when I try to figure out the total cost for 12 months.  I really have no idea how much Evie was eating before I went back to school around Thanksgiving.  After she really got into solids in mid-February, she wasn't taking as many bottles at daycare, and I really don't know how much she was getting when she was nursing.  To be generous, I assumed that prior to December 1 and after February 14, she ate as much as during those 12 weeks.  That's how I got $1800.  In reality, she most likely ate more than that both before and after.

If I assume that we would have had to spend $600 every 2.5 months, the total jumps to $2880!!!!!!

Now, don't get me wrong.  Breastfeeding has costs too.  I have a breast pump.  I bought milk storage bags several times.  I had to buy nursing pads for the first six weeks or so.  I bought a plethora of nursing tank tops and bras (which are never on sale, ever!  They don't have to be because you need them...I could rant for hours!).  My generous estimate for the total cost of breastfeeding supplies is no more than $600 (including the $280 breast pump). 

Saving money was not my motivation to breastfeed.  If we had formula fed, I'm sure we would have found better deals, and we would have been smarter about the money.  I love that I have been able to give my daughter something so natural and that we share something that is just between us.  I consider myself fortunate that breastfeeding worked for us.