Hand Turkeys and Playing in the Park

As I've written quite frequently in the past few weeks, I'm attempting to prepare for Evie to go from "only child" to "older child."  At this point, the transition is harder for me that it probably will be for her.  I am just worried.  I want her to be happy, and I don't want her to feel like we are not giving her the attention that she has always had from us.  However, I know that is impossible.  All of our lives are changing in a big way, and there's nothing we can do to stop it. 

I didn't know I'd feel this guilty about it all though.  I've probably been coddling Evie a bit more lately that I had in the past, and I feel like she's been more clingy that before too.  She needs me to do things that M used to do for her.  Honestly though, it hasn't bothered me.  I am happy to know that she still wants me, and as much as that might be a burden in the near future, I'm cherishing this time when I can indulge her.

For me, I feel like so  much is changing already, and the baby isn't even here yet.  My maternity leave sub started on Friday, and I'm having a hard time letting go of my kids at school.  I had a particularly rough day on with him being there, but when I got to daycare to pick up Evie, she gave me this. 

Evie's first ever "hand turkey"

My heart melted.  An older kid helped trace her hand, and then she colored it (in spectacular, two-year-old fashion).  Evie was so proud of herself!  It is now displayed on our fridge.  :)

I'm also grateful that the weather was beautiful here in Wisconsin over the weekend (highs in the 50s!), and we were able to spend time outside.  M put up the outside Christmas decorations yesterday while Evie and I did some yard work.  After her nap, we were able to go to the park for a while too.

Going down the slide

Just running around

We have no idea how much time we have left like this (two weeks at the most!).  As much as I'm excited and ready to meet this baby, I'm also enjoying every moment that I can just me and Evie. 

39 Weeks (-1 day)

As of tomorrow I will be 39 weeks pregnant.  If this baby is born at the same point in my pregnancy as Evie was, I will be having a baby on Tuesday.  HOLY CRAP!!!  For work reasons, I'm hoping that I can hold off until Wednesday at least (like I have any control over this...HA!).  We only have two days of school this week because of Thanksgiving, and I just want a clean break with the kids.  I dread the idea of just not coming in one day.  (I'm planning to write more about this tomorrow.  :)

Like I posted last week, I'm ready.  I really am, but it's still a little tough to wrap my mind around the idea that these are our last days as a family of three.  As much as I'm excited to meet this baby, I am mourning the loss of our time as "just the three of us."  I know that our family of three was not complete, but we had some good times, and this baby is going to change everything.  In the end, I know that it will be for the better, but the big adjustment is scaring me right now. 

Taken at 38 weeks 3 days

Weight gain/loss: +39 lbs. at my doctor's appointment last Monday. 

Fruit of the week: This week baby is the size of a watermelon.

Feeling: Ready!  Excited!  Sad! (about life changing so drastically so quickly)  Nervous!  Happy!  Pretty much every emotion...followed by an exclamation point!

Sleep: Last week was actually really good.  Evie has finally begun to sleep better since getting over her cold, and I have been able to mostly turn off my brain and sleep.  If I can make it through school on Tuesday, I know I'll sleep better too. 

Food cravings: Nothing really.  I'm excited for Thanksgiving though!!  Mmmmm....stuffing! 

Movement: Less than last week, which is great because I'm feeling pretty confident this baby is stuck head down.  Woo hoo!!  He is still moving around enough to reassure me that things are fine, but it has definitely decreased from a few weeks ago. 

Labor signs:  We were a little freaked out on Friday night when I had contractions about 4 - 6 minutes apart for a couple of hours.  They weren't incredibly painful, but they weren't Braxton Hicks either.  If it had lasted much longer, we would have been on our way to the hospital!!  Other than that, I was dilated 1.5 cm and 50% effaced at my appointment last Monday.

Name:  Miller??  Brooks??  Tyler??  We don't have a clue!

What I miss?  Nothing really right now.  I'm looking forward to being able to sleep comfortably on my back and tummy again soon...for the couple of hours of sleep that I get each day.    

Best moment this week: Seeing Evie play with her cousins last night at my in-law's.  Evie is pretty funny on her own, but with another two year old, and a six year old *attempting* to form some sort of organized play, it was hilarious!

What I'm looking forward to:  Getting through school on Tuesday.  Again, I know that I have no control over this, but I really just want to make it that far. 

Next Appointment: Tomorrow at 39 weeks. 

Fell off of the face of the blogosphere

Well, I didn't really.  I still frequent a few ladies' blogs (Sarah and her new baby boy, Amber and her adorable Batman, and of course Melissa with her new baby girl) to comment and read about what they've been up to, but it's been a needed break.

School started and I just needed to deal with the grind again.  I also needed to spend time with Evie when I could.  The mom guilt is getting worse each day as I know that I'm not going to be able to devote all of my time and attention to her in the very near future.  I'm still working, and I will up until I go into labor, but I'm also in need of an outlet as things get closer to the end.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm hoping to get back on the wagon.  I want to clean up my look and try to reconnect with my (few) faithful readers.  I'm missing the capability to write about what's on my mind.  I'm going to take it one step at a time, and I will not pressure myself to post every day...especially with a baby boy on his way in the next 4 weeks.

Here's a quick update for now:

Evie is doing well back at daycare.  We had a rough transition at the beginning of the school year.  She was tired out all of the time from playing all day.  She was a total bear each evening, and it was a little stressful.  She began hitting me, and asking to go on timeout....YIKES!!!  I was very scared.  If she wanted to go on timeout, what the heck should her punishment be????  The solution for that one is a blog post in itself...so I'll try to write about it soon!

I'm currently 36 weeks and 1 day.  I had my 36 week appointment yesterday and was excited to find out that I'm 1 cm dilated!  I was also very disappointed (and freaked out beyond belief) to find out that the baby is currently breech.  My doctor scheduled an external cephalic version (attempt to manually turn the baby from the outside) for Friday afternoon....but that's another post that I plan to write tomorrow!

So, I guess I'm back on the blogosphere...

Names, names, names

I will save you the suspense, I can't reveal "the name" quite yet....because we don't have one picked out.  M and I are currently hashing that out.  He is going to go through out baby name book one more time to see if there is anything that we've missed.


The middle name is non-negotiable because they are both family names.  It will be either Michael or David depending on which first name we choose and which of those two middle names sounds better with it.  And "the name" may even be something that's not on this list because we really don't have much of a clue yet.

Picking a name for Evie was a breeze in comparison to this baby.  Knowing that it's a boy actually makes it more difficult.  M and I could agree on a million girl's names, but boy's names are particularly difficult for us.  We want something that is masculine (i.e. you know that it's a boy when you see it in writing...so no Taylors, Rileys, etc.), but we also want something relatively unique so that he's not one of 14 Jacksons in his 1st grade class. 

So, without further ado, in no particular order, here is our current short list of boy's names that we don't hate:

• Cade Michael
• Dillon Michael
• Miller David
• Dominic Michael
• Tyler David

Cade is actually a student's name at school.  It's not like we'd name the baby after him or anything.  I just like the way it sounds.  Plus, Cade was ranked #347 in popularity last year by the Social Security Administration, so it's not crazy, but it's not super-popular either. 

Dillon is a possibility only if it's spelled like this.  It's another one that I just like the way it sounds.  Dillon (spelled this way) was #345 last year...another plus for us!

Tyler was suggested by my sister and I've always liked it.  I like the option for Ty as a nickname too.  I'm worried that it's becoming a girl's name though.   Plus, it's very popular (#38 last year). 

Dominic is a surprise for me on this list.  I never thought that M would like it.   Now, I'm not sure if I even like it that much anymore.  At #76 on the Social Security ranking, it's a little high for my liking too.

And then there's Miller.  Miller is what Evie's name would be if she were a boy.  M and I heard it years ago (long before we even really talked about having kids) on a VH1 celebrity baby name show and we couldn't get it out of our heads.  It's still in the top 5, but we want to explore other options.  I would hazard a guess that it's probably the front-runner.  However, M works in the beer industry, and we don't want the poor kid to be called "Miller-time" his whole life.  But who knows??  Maybe he would like that!

Part of me doesn't care about the beer association though.  I've had students with pretty unusual names, and I think that they grew into those names.  I was surprised to find Miller at #925 for 2011.  It doesn't have a ranking in the top 1000 for any year prior to that.  Apparently, the name is catching on.

The hard part is that although I like all of these names (I think), I don't love any of them.  Maybe the right name is still out there and we just haven't hear it yet.

Also, I know that by putting this out on the interwebz, I'm inviting opinions.  I'm happy to hear them!  I don't think that M or I could be too swayed from our own opinions about the name of our child.  :)  So, if you hate it, let me know.  And if you love it, let me know about that too!!

I need a clothing section called, "So, you've given up on life."

I am so over maternity clothes.  Eight weeks ago when I began wearing them, I thought that they were the most comfortable things I'd ever tried on in my life.  That was purely because I had been squeezing myself into my pre-pregnancy clothes while waiting to get all of my maternity clothes back from my sister.

For a few weeks, maternity clothes and I lived together in bliss.  I was happy to have pants without zippers or buttons, and flowy shirts that hid my bump, or tighter shirts that showed it off in a good way. 

Fast forward to now, when I think that what I really need is a clothing store/department called, "So you've given up on life."  I feel like they would have what I'm looking for: the ultimate in comfort and stretchiness, while not making me feel bad about myself.  I'm having a much harder time with my body image with this pregnancy than when I was pregnant with Evie. 
I'm stressing more about this right now because we have a big party this weekend for my parents-in-law.  I didn't plan on being pregnant in July with 90 degree heat at a party in a park where I will undoubtedly be chasing my two year old EVERYWHERE.

Oh, and add to that the fact that I feel hideous (even when I'm not sitting in a pool of my sweat with a toddler hanging off of me) and I can't decide on anything to wear.  I bought a cute new dress while I was in Spain, but it's a little big on me at this point in my pregnancy.  I'm going to attempt to rig it up with some pins to see if it will fit decently, but I'm doubtful, and to be honest, I won't have a ton of time to monkey around with it on Saturday morning.

Cute Spain dress

I also bought a new shirt in Panama, but I would need an undershirt for it because the material is a little transparent.  Did you know that it's impossible to find flesh-colored neutral maternity tank tops????  I know I could probably find something online, but I'm not much of an online shopper (I like the rush of making my purchases in a store), and the party is less than 48 hours away.

Panamanian Bargain Buy ($6!!!)

I'll probably just end up wearing the same black dress that I wore to all nice occasions when I was pregnant with Evie.  I feel like it's a tired article of clothing...basically, I'm sick of it, but I have limited time and options right now.

Black dress: cute, but I'm just not feeling it

I think the crux of the issue is that I don't feel like I look good in anything.  I just don't feel pretty right now.  I picture myself looking decent and then I look in the mirror and see a very different image.  I know it's all in my head, but I worry that I'll never feel like I look good again.  I lost the weight quickly and easily (really without trying at all) with Evie, and what if that doesn't happen this time?  What if I have a closet full of non-maternity clothes that don't look good on me either? 

In the meantime, I'm thinking of opening a boutique.  I'll sell yoga pants and hooded sweatshirts.  Hair bands and sports bras sold separately....

Losing Myself

This is one of my biggest fears.  I feared it when I was pregnant with Evie, and I fear it even more now as I expect my second child.  How do I maintain my own identity while wrapped up in the needs of two other human beings?

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't upset when I found out I was pregnant.  Even though M and I probably would have eventually had more kids, this was very unexpected.  I don't want to sound ungrateful.  I know that there are millions of women (including my own sister) who have struggled with infertility, who would give their left arm for an unexpected pregnancy.  I'm over the shock, and I'm definitely looking forward to the new baby, but I still have doubts.

What if I can't handle two kids?  Some days (like last Friday), I feel like I can't handle the one I already have!!   There are lots of days and weeks when I feel like I don't have any time for myself.  How will I ever get any time with two children?  I resent M because I feel like he doesn't have to sacrifice as much.  Will our marriage be able to handle the addition of another child?  Evie is pretty comfortable as an only child.  How will she deal with this transition to big sister?  Will I still be able to give her enough?

On down days, these thoughts rule my mind.  We can prepare for all of this as much as we'd like, but until this baby arrives, there's no way of knowing what it will be like.  Nothing is ever exactly what you expect it will be.  I just hope that I can keep some shred of myself, and I will be recognizable on the other side.

The Perks of Baby #2

Over the long weekend, I was able to spend a lot of time with my sister and my new niece.  My sister and I talk pretty much every day (often twice a day), so I know how everything has been going.  Our conversations have changed so much in the past 6 weeks.  She asks me about my experiences when Evie was Natalie's age, but I have a hard time giving her advice.  She will find her own way, and I don't want to pressure her or lead her away from what feels right.  It just takes time to learn your own maternal instinct. 

Of course, I keep thinking ahead.  I will know so much more when this baby is born in November than I knew when Evie was born.  More than anything else, I will be more confident in my own abilities as a mom.  :)

I was feeling so good about my now experienced outlook on motherhood that, a few weeks ago, I made a mental list of all of the things that are better with a second pregnancy.  

• I know that our current babysitter will be more than happy to take on our new little one.  It's such a relief to not have to think about looking for a new provider.  That's a whole lot of stress that I won't have.
• I've done the pregnancy thing before.  I am not worried about losing the baby every second.  The "is this normal?" questions are a lot fewer and farther between...actually I don't know if that's even crossed my mind at all.  
• I have given birth before.  I know that this is a tricky one, because many things could go wrong that didn't go wrong with Evie.  Evie's birth was an overall awesome experience.  I'm seeing the same OB, and going to the same hospital (it's been remodeled since Evie was born and now there are nicer post-partum rooms!!), so I'm hoping for the same luck.  
• I'm not afraid of maternity clothes.  I now know comfort is the key.  Who cares if I'm in maternity clothes before 22 weeks??  "OMG, I must be a cow."  <-- Yes, I really thought that when I was pregnant with Evie.  I think I just have other things to worry about now.  (By the way, those people still make me want to barf a little.)

The best part is knowing that absolutely nothing will go as I expect, but being ok with it this time.  When I was pregnant with Evie and I dreamed of what she would be like, I was way off.  She is more energetic, rambunctious, outgoing, friendly, adorable, sassy, and amazing than I ever could have imagined.  This child will be too.  And I get to experience it all over again.

P.S.  If you like what you've read, send a couple of votes my way!  :)

Dreaming Big

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how we are considering moving to the town where I teach.  We're beginning the process this week!!  We meet with our realtor on Tuesday evening to discuss the possibility of putting our house on the market. 

We are trying to be optimistic, but realistic at the same time, which is pretty much impossible.  We bought our house in the spring of 2006 at the height of the housing bubble...meaning we paid top dollar back then.  Now we are exploring the possibility of selling when prices are at, essentially, rock bottom.  Basic Econ. 101 would dictate that we are doing this all wrong.  Our area of the country was not hit nearly as badly by the recession as the coasts, but when we refinanced last summer, the value of our house had still dropped significantly.  ($30K significantly...SCARY!!!!)  However, we did not have an appraisal, we just used the generic Freddie Mac numbers to save time and money.  We're hoping that an accurate appraisal will be better. 

As much as the possibility of selling is incredibly scary, and not to mention, we can't even sell if we'll lose money, it's so exciting to think about new houses.  In our dreams, we would build a new house.  M has been tirelessly looking at lots for sale, and researching all of the costs involved in building.  He admits that he is a little ahead of himself, but it's just too much fun not to look. 

I'm dreaming too.  I am thinking of how much it would help to have a better support network of my co-workers, many of whom are very close friends, within a few minutes of us.  With another baby on the way, I'm getting a little freaked out.  I think about getting two kids ready for daycare by myself.  (M works 35 minutes from where we currently live...he has to be out the door long before I do most mornings.  If we moved, he would only be 20 minutes from his office.)  I think about how wonderful it would be to not have to pack Evie (and baby #2) in the car for a 25 minute trip every day, how great it would be to have babysitters nearby (one of the perks of teaching high school!). 

It's exciting and scary at the same time.  I've been in ultra-spring cleaning mode all weekend, and we'll have so much more to do if we decide to sell.  I'm sure it will all work out however it's meant to work out.  For now (until Tuesday), my hopes are high!!! 

Spring Break '12

I was on spring break all of last week, and it was so nice to have more time to spend with Evie.  I've been feeling guilty (yes, already) about the fact that in a few months, I'm going to have to divide my attention between her and a newborn.  I'm really going to cherish my time off with her until then.  :) 

We did quite a bit over the course of the week.  The weekend before Easter, we went to visit M's parents at the farm.  They babysat while we went to a concert in Dubuque, Iowa with a group of friends.  We saw Shooter Jennings with Cody Canada and the Departed.  It was a GREAT concert!!  Anytime Shooter Jennings is within two hours of us, we always go see him.  We told our friends that I'm expecting again.  We didn't plan on telling, but I didn't feel like doing the fake drinking/lying about taking antibiotics all night.  They would have been suspicious of any reason that I gave them for not drinking anyway.  ;)

Self-portrait from the concert.

During the week while M was working, Evie and I just hung out.  The weather was cool, but sunny, so we were able to spend a lot of time outside.  We went to the park every day and we took the dog for walks.  It was just really relaxing. 

Evie swinging

Evie gets into EVERYTHING these days.  I told M we need to build shelving about 6 feet high around our entire house because I feel like I run out of counter space putting things where she can't reach them.  Here she is taking things out of the fridge.  Apparently she wanted to celebrate spring break college style.

Don't worry, the silo can of Miller Lite was closed.

Thursday night we drove up to my parent's for the holiday weekend.  M and I left Evie with them on Friday while we went to Brewer's opening day in Milwaukee.  There is always a huge group of our friends that go to opening day.  It's been a tradition with M and his friends for the past 10 years, long before the Brewers were any good.  It was much easier to get tickets back then...lol! 

After the game (which they lost), we drove back up to my parent's.  We spent the day there on Saturday, then drove back to Milwaukee on Sunday to go to another Brewer's game (which they also lost).  Evie came with us to that one.  She does very well at events like that.  It gives me hope that our 8 hour plane ride in a few months will go smoothly. 

It was a great spring break.  I think we made the most of it.  I was able to spend some quality time with M and Evie.  That's all I could ask for!!

Some Big Changes

M and I have been talking for quite a while about moving.  We live about 25 minutes from the town where I teach, and about 35 minutes from where M works.  I never thought that I would want to live in the same town as I teach, but it seems awfully convenient these days.  If we moved to "school town," M's commute would also be shorter by about 10 - 15 minutes. 

"School town" is VERY small; the population is around 2000.  I've taught there for almost 7 years, and I feel like a townie.  I run into people I know every where I go.  I love the sense of community, but I don't want my students (or their parents) to catch me buying tampons (or copious amounts of wine/liquor) at the grocery store. 

Then there's where Evie would attend school.  Our current town has a great school system.  I know that she would receive a good education here.  School town also has great schools (ahem..I work there! j/k), but I would eventually have Evie in class.  I make up 3/4 of my department.  (The other teacher teaches Spanish half of his day, and social studies the other half.)  If my teaching assignment remained unchanged, I would have Evie in 7th - 10th grades....just about the time she'll probably want nothing to do with me. 

However, these cons are outweighed by the fact that gas prices keep rising, and more than anything, M and I are just sick of the drive.  We would have a greater network of people that we can count on in school town.  My students provide endless babysitting, and I'm very close to many of the other teachers who live there.

In the wake of other big changes in our life, I think it's time to make this big change too.  We're not in any hurry, but we're going to begin exploring our options to sell our house, and **hopefully** build a house in the town where I teach.  Even if we moved after Evie began kindergarten, Wisconsin allows "school choice" so that she could attend my district while we still lived in our current district. 

Leaving our current town will not be easy.  M and I have lived here almost our entire married life together.  But, I'm happy that we've made this decision.  Any bumps in the road will be worth the convenience, and especially worth the extra support of living closer to good friends. 

I Won the "In-Law Lottery!"

M often jokes that I won the in-law lottery because his family is so awesome.  I have to admit that he's probably right.  As far as in-laws go, mine are pretty great.  M's parents are still together (40 years this year!), and he has two older brothers that are very close to his age, and a younger sister who is 7 years younger than him.  His oldest brother is married and has 3 kids (the youngest is only 6 weeks older than Evie), and his other brother and sister aren't married, but they are in long-term relationships with their significant others for about 5 years. 

The first time I met his mom, I was totally freaked out.  I wanted to make a good impression, and  I barely spoke.  I figured if I didn't say much, I couldn't put my foot in my mouth (which I often do).  His whole family thought that I was very shy, even though that is not me at all.  Over time, I warmed up to them when I realized they are the most laid back, non-judgmental people I've ever met. 

M's older brothers and dad are all jokers.  They love to have a few beers and "tell stories."  Usually this means repeating the same stories that they've been telling for the past decade.  M's dad is not the type of guy who tells you what he's feeling very often, but when he does, it means that much more.  When we called to tell them that we had gotten engaged, M's mom and dad both wanted to talk to me.  M's dad told me that he couldn't wait to have me as a new daughter.  I still tear up when I think about it.  M couldn't believe he actually said that.   

M's mom is probably my favorite of the family.  She is also a teacher, so we have a lot in common.  She will be retiring at the end of this school year after teaching 1st grade for 30 years.  (I have NO idea how she does it!!!!)  She is so supportive of her own kids, and also of her children's spouses/partners.  When M and I announced that we were pregnant with Evie, everyone was a little surprised.  I was teaching full time, coaching during the fall and winter seasons, and only about a 1/4 of the way done with my master's degree coursework.  She said that she thought we'd wait until I finished my master's degree.  I told her that we just wanted to have a baby so badly that we couldn't wait.  She just said, "It's alright.  I know you will do great!" 

I really do love them for all of their quirkiness and for how genuine they all are.  They have always made me feel like I am a member of their family.  It would be difficult not having this sort of relationship with my husband's family.  I really did win the "lottery."

Family, etc.

I grew up very close to my mom's extended family.  My mom has 3 sisters and 1 brother, and they all still live on the same street as each other.  My grandparents live there too.  My parents even live in the house where my mom grew up; they bought it from my grandparents when I was 10.

My mom has always been close to all of her siblings, and they were always around, so their kids were too.  Some of my cousins are more like siblings than cousins to me.  I feel fortunate that I have such a great extended family, and I could as easily call my aunts for advice as I could call my own mom.

Even though I had this great example of sibling closeness, I knew that I wasn't going to stick around the town where I grew up.  Once I graduated high school, I was OUTTA THERE!!  I went to college in the "big city" (Madison) a few hours away, and I've stayed in this area ever since.  I had the typical small town teen angst, and I didn't realize at the time that I had a pretty cool, unique experience. 

At this point in my life, I don't see myself ever moving back.  I am very happy with my life here.  This is where I'm meant to be.  Sometimes it makes me sad though.  Evie will never live down the street from her cousins.  She won't have pajama pizza parties at her aunt's house or go to swimming lessons jammed in the backseat of the car with 5 other kids.  (That's right...two kids to a seat belt!  You'd probably be arrested for doing that nowadays!  Lol!!)  She won't know what it's like to be annoyed by more people than just her siblings, or to have her aunt meddling in her business.  (That was totally warranted too...I was a mischievous teenager for a while...)

One of my sisters and her husband moved to a town about 15 minutes from our house last summer.  I was so excited to have family close by again, but her husband recently took another job closer to my parents, and she will be moving there once the school year is done.  (She is also a teacher...and she's also the pregnant one.)  It's their choice and I'm understand why they want to be closer to our extended family with a baby on the way, but some days I can't get over how much it hurts that she's moving away from me again. 

I just want Evie to know that she has the big extended network of people who love her, the way that I always knew that I did (even when I hated that I did).  They are still there, just a 3 hour car trip away.  Maybe I need to tell myself that, as much as I need her to know that too. 

We're really doing this!

Well, Evie and I are really going to Spain. I wrote a few months ago about the possibility of spending a few weeks in Spain during the month of June.  Evie and I will have the opportunity to stay with a Spanish host family. 

M and I talked it over extensively during December and decided that we could make it work.  Evie will be young enough that we don't have to buy her her own seat on the plane, which cuts the cost in half.  Also, my dad offered to go with me to help me out.  He LOVES to travel, and the timeframe worked for him.  He won't be staying with the family with us, and will probably travel around Spain a bit on his own while we are there.  M agreed to letting us go for 2 and a half weeks, a compromise between my preference to go for 3 weeks, and his preference that we only go for 2 weeks. 

So, in January the planning began.  Now that it's only a few months away, everything is starting to seem very real.  We had to apply for a passport for Evie, and I had to renew mine.  We've booked tickets to Barcelona, where we're going to spend a few days before moving on to Valladolid, the city where we'll be staying with our host family.  The host family consists of the two parents, and three young-ish kids. 

I'm nervous about the traveling, but I know that it will go quickly enough.  The travel portions of the trip can only last so long.  It may be hell, but it will end.  I am looking forward to seeing how a family lives in Spain, comparing and contrasting parenting styles in the two countries, and learning more about the school systems.  I am also hoping that I can make some connections to set up exchanges for my students in the future. 

Oh yeah, and it's Spain.  The gorgeous weather, the amazing food, and the laid back lifestyle will make it all worth it in the end.  I never dreamed that it would take 10 years for me to get back, but I know that if I don't do it now, it may be another 10 before I have this kind of opportunity again.  Taking Evie will be amazing.  She may not remember it, but I will. 

Resolutions - Month 2

I can't believe that February came and went so quickly.  I feel like I just wrote my first resolution update yesterday, but it was over a month ago.  And it hardly seems like two months have past since I first wrote my New Year's resolutions. 

February was a crazy month for me.  I was at school 12+ hours a day on many occasions.  That's what parent/teacher conferences, working on a teacher leadership group presentation for the school board, and planning a trip abroad for students will do to you...oh yeah, and just trying to keep up with my kids on a daily basis!!  ;)  However, even with all of the time I spent away from home, I don't think I did all too badly.  I'm sure you'll see where I slacked...

• Weight loss - Still down 4 pounds, but that's all.  The first thing to go when I got busy was my gym routine that I've had since November.  At least I didn't gain anything back...Gotta look at the bright side, right?!?!?!
• Being a better organizer/housekeeper - This has been pretty easy actually.  I'm in a great routine, and M is helping me out a lot.  I feel so much more together now!!
• Spending more quality time with M - I was embarrassed that I did so poorly at this in January, especially when I found out that M read my update on February 1 where I admitted that I did a terrible job at keeping this resolution.  I am HAPPY to say that I think I made up for it in February.  We were home a lot more this month, which made it much easier.  We also hired a babysitter on TWO separate occasions so that we could get out together: once for a Badger Hockey game that M won tickets to, and once for a friend's birthday party.  It was so nice to hang out together more again.  I think it's just what we needed!
• Making more quality time for myself - I feel like I put myself on the back burner a little more this month, but partially because of all of my work obligations.  When I'm not getting home until 7:00 or 8:00, then frantically trying to spend a minute or two with Evie before bed, then picking up around the house, saying hi to M, and thinking about maybe working out (see weight loss goal, I only thought about working out...), sleep became my "me" time.  March is a lot less busy, and the first week of April is spring break.  It will be easier to take care of myself this month.  

I feel like I can keep 3 of my 4 resolutions without really trying, but there is always something that doesn't seem to fit.  Even though I'm not reaching the level I'd like to each month, I really do feel better about myself.  I just have to keep working at it.  I know that simply by trying, I'm better for my family, my job, and myself!!  

Light at the end of the tunnel

At the end of the year, I was pretty depressed.  I don't think that I was taking care of myself very well.  I was mad at M all the time.  I didn't have any patience for Evie.  I was probably not very much fun to be around.  I hid out at my parent's house for 6 days over my Christmas break. 

One of the days that I was there, Evie wouldn't take a nap for me.  I put her down (screaming) in the pack and play in the guest bedroom, and came out sobbing because I had failed as a parent.  My mom was the only other person home at the time.  She told me that it wouldn't hurt Evie to let her cry for a few minutes, and that I should just take a break.  My mom and I have always had a rocky relationship, but that day, she said what I needed to hear.

She went back to the room and managed to put Evie down for her nap without a sound (figures!), and then she sat down and talked to me.  She told me to relax, which didn't help at all.  Then she asked me, "Do you even enjoy your life anymore?"  It sounds harsh to say it like that, but I think she was right.  I didn't enjoy my life at all for the last few months of 2011.  I was just getting by, and everyone in my life was suffering because of it.  I didn't enjoy anything that I used to.  Honestly, I didn't even enjoy spending time with M or Evie. Everything I did seemed to be just another chore.

She really made me think.  I'm still thinking about it.  It's not like everything was completely better over night.  I'm still battling this day to day.  I have considered seeking professional help, but I feel like I'm beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel.  M has been incredibly supportive through all of this.  I've really focused on taking more time to take care of myself...I've been working out more, eating better, and trying not to feel guilty about letting M (and others who offer to help) do more. 

I don't ever want to live my life angry all the time.  I don't want to make M or Evie feel like they are not enough for me.  I hope that this dark period has passed for good. 

Another weekend away...

Well we returned home this afternoon from another weekend away.  (That makes 6 out of the last 7 for those who are counting, i.e. me.)  Most of this time spent away has been to visit family for the holidays (we were gone the weekend of Christmas, New Year's, and the week after New Year's all for holiday/family stuff), or to visit friends, and there was our weekend in Wisconsin Dells.  This weekend, my mom, my middle sister, Evie, and I drove 4 hours south into central Illinois to visit my youngest sister. 

M decided to stay home to give us our "girl time."  We didn't do much.  We actually spent most of Saturday afternoon vegging out on my sister's couch watching "Legally Blond."  It was nice just to hang out with my sisters and my mom.  My sister who we were visiting got married last April and her husband is currently working on his Ph.D.  (That's why they live in Illinois.)  He was in and out all day from studying and working in his lab.  My other sister is pregnant with her first and due in April, so this will be the last time we could all go visit for a while. 

Evie entertained her aunts and grandma with her crazy toddler antics all weekend.  They were able to see her try to dress herself in person for the first time.  And they witnessed her game where she tries to scare people by running at them and yelling boo.  They were also really great by taking care of Evie for a while this morning so that I could sleep in until 7:30...I haven't slept that late in months!!

Evie was very good on the drive.  She really does pretty well, and I can't complain.  I was also fortunate to have the help of my sister and my mom in the car with me this time.  It's great to be able to visit family and friends, but I'm really looking forward to sleeping in my own bed the next few weekends.  I'm just really happy to be home!!

Resolutions - 1 month in

At the beginning of January I wrote a list of 4 goals to work at in 2012.  It's one month later, and I've actually been doing pretty well.  I thought that writing a follow-up post would help keep me honest.

So, here are my results:

• Weight loss: I'm officially down 4 pounds from January 3rd.  That is about halfway to my goal of losing 9 pounds. I've been watching what I eat and I've been working out a lot more.  I joined the gym in town back in November, and I've been going to step classes on Mondays, Wednesdays, and  Saturdays.  I've been walking/running on the treadmill on the other days after Evie goes to bed.  It's become a habit and I'm really noticing a difference.
• Staying organized: I've been keeping up on housework much better.  M has been helping by staying out of my way (and keeping Evie out of my way) every Sunday so that I can put the house in order for the upcoming week.  That way, I just have to spot check throughout the week.  It's been working for us, and I feel a lot better about coming home to a de-cluttered house.
• Making more time for myself:  I actually feel like I've been doing pretty well with this.  I thought that this would be the hardest one for me to keep, but going to workout is a total stress reliever for me, and I feel better about myself for doing it.  So, I guess exercising has killed two birds with one stone!
• Making more time for M: I'm embarrassed to admit that this is the goals that I've had the hardest time with.  We've been out of town for 5 of the last 6 weekends, and that really cuts into the amount of time that M and I spend together. When we're around, we stay up "late" (10:30, alert the authorities!!!) and watch TV and just hang out together.  It may be a little lame, but I look forward to it.  Things will settle down here in February, and I'm hoping to have a better report about this goal at the beginning of March.  

Most people don't keep their resolutions past January 31, so I just have to keep plugging away at it.  Writing them on here has helped.  It's always in the back of my mind.  ;)

An Ode to Yogurt Bites

O, yogurt bites, you are so delicious.

Freeze-dried yogurt

Somewhat nutritious (?)

You calm Evie down 

When she'll eat nothing else

The world is a dark place

When you are not stocked on the shelf

The flavor doesn't matter

Strawberry, tropical, and peach all cause a clatter

God forbid we should ever run out

Evie would surely scream and shout

Without you I wouldn't be a happy mother or wife

Almost every day you save Mommy's life

Yes, I am so lame I just wrote a crappy poem to freeze-dried yogurt.  Seriously though, these things are a life saver.  Evie is usually a pretty good eater, but I always have these on hand for days when she refuses everything else.  This most often happens at restaurants (of course) or in the morning when I'm in a hurry to get to work and she won't eat her usual breakfast (fruit, cereal, or real yogurt).  

Evie likes the Gerber brand and the Up & Up (Target) brand too.  I like that they are not messy and they can be carried anywhere. 

I have to hide them in the deepest recesses of the diaper bag when we go out because otherwise, if Evie sees the packaging, she throws a fit if I don't give them to her.  I will admit that I kind of like them too...even though it's a little strange how they melt in your mouth.  Evie and I may or may not have finished an entire bag in one sitting...ok, fine, we did...on several one occasion.... 

This post was written as part of the Toddle Along Tuesday blog hop.  This week's topic is "Your Favorite Thing."  Head over to Growing up Geeky to link up!

Donate Blood

A family member recently passed away from esophageal cancer.  To say that it's a hard time for his immediate family would be a gross understatement.  My extended family is very close-knit, and I know that this closeness will help everyone through this tough time.

After his diagnosis, he survived 11 months.  This was well beyond what the doctors originally imagined.  Blood transfusions were the major factor that extended his life.    

I used to think that blood transfusions were just for victims of accidents or people who had surgery.  Every day donated blood saves the lives of thousands of cancer patients, as well as those affected by other diseases.

I hope that anyone who is able to donate blood does so on a regular basis.

Best Day Ever

In keeping with two of my  new year's resolutions, I had a very busy day.  M's family had one last Christmas celebration back in him hometown today.  It kind of came up last minute due to some health issues with his grandma (nothing serious, she just couldn't host everyone last weekend like she had originally planned.)  Our house was a wreck and I had a ton of school work to do.  M mentioned on Friday night that I should just stay home today, rather than spending 3 hours in a car round-trip, plus however much time they spent at his grandma's.

So, just to shock everyone in our house, I decided to take him up on the offer.  I spent about 6 hours in my home today, just me and the dog.  This is the longest amount of time I have been in my house by myself since July 23, 2010.  The 3 other times in the past 18 months (I'm not exaggerating, there are really only 3 other times since Evie was born) that I have been home alone have been for no longer than about 30 minutes.  That took care of one of my resolutions...I took some time for myself, and I didn't feel guilty about it.  :)

The other resolution was keeping the house decluttered.  In the 6 hours I was here by myself, I spent 3 and half of them cleaning.  I put away Christmas decorations, cleaned out the microwave (boy, did it need to be cleaned...yuck!), cleaned the showers and tubs, reorganized Evie's room, and did a once over of the rest of the house.  

While I may have made some MAJOR progress with 2 resolutions, I took a step back with another one (losing a little weight).  After I got done cleaning, I felt like I needed a reward for all of my effort and I ate my favorite meal from college.  I used to eat a noodle side dish as a meal more often than I'd like to admit. I never do this anymore; I actually ran over to the grocery store to pick this up because I had a craving.

That's right, I ate the whole thing.

I ate the entire box from one of my favorite bowls, which I still have from my freshman year of college.  It is huge and I used to fill it to the brim with cereal.  I may have indulged, but it felt so good to sit on my couch, without a toddler pulling at my leg trying to steal my food, while watching a Lifetime movie on TV.

Best bowl ever.  Yes, I have an emotional attachment to a plastic bowl.

When M and Evie got home, I felt like a new person.  I am a better mother when I take some time for myself.  I've always known this, but today really reminded me that I have to do this more often.  Here's to keeping my resolutions for a little while longer. ;)

P.S.  I've been hearing a lot about flylady.net lately.  Does anyone use her program?  Have you had luck with it?  It seems like something that could work for me, so I'd like to hear some reviews!