Relationships Post-Baby

I knew that having a baby would change me.  I knew that having a baby would change my relationships with other people.  I don't think I was fully prepared for the negative effect that having a baby would have on my relationships.   

In that past few months I've been pretty down about the changes in some of my friendships, especially a close friend from high school, who was also one of my roommates in college.  Long story short: she got married in Mexico in May.  Between it being the end of the school year, having a 10 month old, and the cost of the trip, I wasn't able to attend the wedding.  Our friendship has basically ended over it. 

A few members of my family have even expressed how difficult it can be to get in touch with me, find time to hang out, or really just talk to ME.  They mean the old, childless me that drove 5 hours to visit at the drop of a hat.  The old, childless me that stayed out all night.  The old, childless me that wasn't worried about feeding the baby, keeping the baby happy, putting the baby to bed, and on and on.

None of the aforementioned people have kids, but I am very close to all of them.  Have I really changed that much?  Why can't they see that I'm doing the best that I can??  Or am I missing something?

It's not all bad.  My relationship with M is stronger than it's ever been.  I'm closer to mother-in-law than I ever thought I could be too.   A friend that I lost touch with has come back into my life because of Evie.  I just wish that those other people wouldn't take it personally that I'm not who I used to be. 

Maybe I'm just whining.  Maybe I'm not as good of a friend as I could be.  I guess I'll try to work on that too.

When you grow up...

Mi hijita,

As each milestone passes, I know that you are one step closer to being your own independent person.  I try not to mourn the passing of each stage, and I also try not to hope for unpleasant stages to pass either.  I try to enjoy each moment as it happens. 

As much as I attempt that, whenever I look at you, I can't help but think about the future... 

Could you be a piano prodigy?

 Could you be the star of your high school basketball team?  (If that happens, you DEFINITELY didn't inherit those genes from your mama, trust me!!)

Could you find the cure for some horrible disease?

Could you be a great friend/mother/wife?

Of course I've dreamed of what you'll be, but what I want most for you is happiness

...whatever that looks like for you. 

This post was written as part of the Breastfeeding Blog Hop... 

which is open to ALL mamas 

and has nothing to do with breastfeeding this week!!!  

If you'd like to link up, go to Life with Levi and add your blog to list!!

Wordless Wednesday - Back to School (and Evie walking!)

I know I'm a week late, but better late than never!  :)

On our way out the door on the first day!

Oh, and a video of Evie walking...a little. 

She has attempted walking several times over the past few days, but it usually ends with a face plant.  Last night she fell flat on her back, which was actually kind of scary.  I know it takes time, but I hope she gets better at it soon so I don't have to worry about her as much!!

Holy Crap, I have a toddler!!

Evie took her first steps yesterday.  She has been testing her standing ability by letting go of the coffee table (or whatever she managed to pull up on) quite a bit lately, and I thought that it might happen soon.  She was holding onto the couch and I was sitting on the floor about 3 feet away from her.  She let go, and just walked to me.  It was like she'd been planning that moment for ages.  She probably only took 3 or 4 steps, but they were the first unassisted steps of her life!!

M was sitting on the couch when it happened, and I was glad that both of us were here to see it.  We kept trying to get her to do it again, and she did take a few more steps before face-planting onto the floor.  A little while later, she took a few more steps...before face-planting again.  I think this may be a recurring theme until she really gets this whole "walking" thing figured out.

It was pretty amazing to see the first of the millions of steps that she will take in her life.  Of course, I cried like a fool....  :)

Edited 10/24/11:  Evie finally figured out (in the past two weeks or so) that walking is more efficient than crawling, and she is unstoppable!!  I'm exhausted from chasing her all over, and I love every second of it!

Back to School/Daycare/Rambling

School started today!  Well, I've back at work for a couple of days, but today was the first day for kids all over Wisconsin.  It was nice to see my students again.  Because I'm in such a small school district, I teach a lot of the kids each year when they are in 7th through 10th grade.  I really get to know them and it's fun to hear what they've been up to over the summer.  They get to know me personally too, and many of them were excited to hear about my summer with the baby. 

Evie has been doing very well at daycare the past few days.  She hasn't bitten anyone...not that I know of anyway...lol!  (See post below for more info.)  She has been eating and napping well, and she's been tuckered out each night too!!  Our daycare provider works out of her home, and she has Evie and three other little ones full time.  A few more kids are there after school each day too.  I think that Evie enjoys the time with the other kids, and I think she's been worn out from playing all day!

We really like our daycare, but sometimes I just have an unsettled feeling about it.  Don't misunderstand, she does a great job.  She is caring, experienced, a great mom to her own teenage daughters, but I always worry that something won't go quite right.  I'm a worrier to the core.  I worry about EVERYTHING, and having a child has made me an even bigger worrier. 

A few weeks ago I was having a mini-meltdown about Evie going back to daycare and M said, "You really won't be happy unless you are the only one taking care of her."  I was taken aback, but he's right.  No matter how great our babysitter is, I'll always feel guilty about leaving her and I'll wish that I was with her.  And honestly, what mother doesn't believe that she would take the best care of her own child???

 I'm fortunate that my job allows me the time that I have with Evie.  I'm also fortunate that I love my job.  I guess it's just the age-old struggle of a working mom.  Wherever I am, I will probably always feel like I'm supposed to be doing my other job.