Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The battle continues....

The breastfeeding battle, that is.  I think that I've officially begun to wean Miss Evie.  I am not pumping anymore because I'm home for all three feedings that she still has each day.  I am not taking any more Fenugreek (goodbye maple syrup smell!!).   Last week, we cut out the night time feeding for good.  We have tried to do this a few times before, but we are sticking to it now that she's almost a year old.    

I know that this process is going to take a while, but I'm really having a hard time with it right now.  I even have a hard time writing about it.  This is what is best for us.  The frustration (to both Evie and me) just got to be too much.  My supply has always been low in the evenings, but lately it's been so bad that she is obviously frustrated about it.  When she is frustrated, she becomes more likely to be distracted, which leads to biting, pinching, hair pulling (all unintentional of course, but it still takes a toll), and just a really bad experience all around. 

My biggest fear, and the reason that I hate to say that we are weaning, is that I keep holding out hope that this is just a phase and that tomorrow she'll suddenly love to nurse again.  Breastfeeding has created a bond that I never dreamed possible.  I am only truly beginning to realize that now that I am ending it.  I am so grateful that we've been able to do this for so long. 

The good news is that I have 330 ounces in the freezer, and even if I could not nurse her myself AT ALL, that would probably last us over two weeks.  I am still able to breastfeed her reasonably well, so I know that we'll make it to a year on breast milk alone...I am trying to feel good about that.


Kristin said...

Hey you have done a WONDERFUL job providing breastmilk for that baby girl for so long! Round of applause for you!!! just make sure YOU are truly ready and go about it the right way, like you are, slowly weaning her over the course of a few weeks, and not cutting her off abruptly. If you do change your mind and want to nurse her a little longer and want some info about increasing supply (other than power pumping and fenugreek) you know where to find me!

basebell6 said...

i'm jealous of your 330 oz stash! i have 12 ounces left in the freezer and after that i'm like "kid, if mommy is gone, you are on your own! drink some of the free sample of formula or something!" i cant handle the pump anymore. it has been packed. lol. good luck with the weaning. i want to cut night feeds too but it has been so tough and soooooo many hours of him crying with our "no boobie until 4 AM rule". i cant imagine all night but i need to do it eventually. best wishes, you did great making it a year!

AmyLynn said...

I'm your newest follower from Toddle Along Tuesday!


Nikki said...

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement!! It really makes a difference!

Andrew & Danielle said...

You have done an AWESOME job breastfeeding for almost a year!! My supply is also much lower in the evenings so we have started supplementing with a bottle before bed. It makes me sad, but I keep telling myself she is just fine and we can do this. Good luck!

The Miller's said...

Aww. Girlie, I hope it's gotten easier on you. Sounds to me like you were doing everything right! I totally know what you mean about the bond... my baby is now 14months & still nursing. But because of that unique bond I am happy with nursing her a little longer than we had planned. :o) Thanks for the follow. Stop by often!


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