The breastfeeding battle, that is. I think that I've officially begun to wean Miss Evie. I am not pumping anymore because I'm home for all three feedings that she still has each day. I am not taking any more Fenugreek (goodbye maple syrup smell!!). Last week, we cut out the night time feeding for good. We have tried to do this a few times before, but we are sticking to it now that she's almost a year old.
I know that this process is going to take a while, but I'm really having a hard time with it right now. I even have a hard time writing about it. This is what is best for us. The frustration (to both Evie and me) just got to be too much. My supply has always been low in the evenings, but lately it's been so bad that she is obviously frustrated about it. When she is frustrated, she becomes more likely to be distracted, which leads to biting, pinching, hair pulling (all unintentional of course, but it still takes a toll), and just a really bad experience all around.
My biggest fear, and the reason that I hate to say that we are weaning, is that I keep holding out hope that this is just a phase and that tomorrow she'll suddenly love to nurse again. Breastfeeding has created a bond that I never dreamed possible. I am only truly beginning to realize that now that I am ending it. I am so grateful that we've been able to do this for so long.
The good news is that I have 330 ounces in the freezer, and even if I could not nurse her myself AT ALL, that would probably last us over two weeks. I am still able to breastfeed her reasonably well, so I know that we'll make it to a year on breast milk alone...I am trying to feel good about that.