One & done?

It seems like baby fever is everywhere lately.  Some good friends from college just had their second in January.  My sister is expecting her first in April.  Two acquaintances that I see about once a month are both pregnant with their second child.  Two of my co-workers (both of whom are close friends of mine) are currently trying to conceive.  It's no secret that the thought of a second child has crossed our minds in the past few months (see here or here), but I haven't really been on board with the whole idea.

Back when M and I were first married, and we talked about having kid(s) someday,  kid(s) was always plural.  My sisters are my two best friends, and I can't imagine what my life would be like if I were an only child.  M has two older brothers and a younger sister, so the idea of being an only child is foreign to him too. 

BUT....now that I have Evie, I honestly wonder how I could ever have another child. I don't know if it's against the "mommy blogger code" to admit this or not: I don't know if I could love another child the way that I love Evie.  It scares the crap out of me to think about it.  Evie is my world, how do I divide that to include another child?  How could I take anything away from her?

It's hard for me to explain what I mean.  I want everything to be fair, and I worry that I wouldn't be able to do it.  I never want to deny Evie anything because "the baby needs us right now."  I'm probably over-thinking this...or I have weird resentment issues or something because I'm the oldest. 

Is "one & done" right for our family??  I have been wondering this a lot lately.  I am not committed to the idea of having only one child any more than I'm committed to the idea of having a second child.  Some days I think our family is complete.  Other days I think about how much I want M to have the son that he's always wanted. I suppose only time will tell...

Waffle Fail

I had a major craving for waffles on Sunday morning, but we were out of the box mix that I usually use, and I was WAY too lazy to run to the grocery store to pick up some more.  So, I was resourceful and I turned to the trusty internet to solve my problem for me.

I found a waffle recipe that had good reviews and I gave it a whirl.  The batter turned out really runny, and kind of chunky.  I usually like to eat some of the pancake/waffle batter (totally gross to most people, I know, but we all have our sick little vices, right??!!?!), and I wouldn't even eat the batter, so I knew that this was not going to end well. 

Gross-o batter that I wouldn't eat.

I put it in the waffle iron anyway, and what came out was an awful, not a waffle.  (That's M's pun, he has to take all of the credit for that  great pun.)  I didn't even take a picture of it because it was just a pile of sort of cooked batter...it was pretty nasty.

However, the waffle craving was so strong, that I actually started over with a new recipe.

This batter was edible...by my standards.

And the waffles turned out great too!!

Evie and M both loved them.  I was so disgusted with the fact that I spent over an hour attempting to make about 6 waffles that I didn't have much of an appetite to eat them anymore.  Oh well, at least I found a recipe I can use in the future.  Or, I'll just get off my lazy ass and go to the grocery store.  :)

Family photos

Evie is officially 19 months old today, and we haven't ever done family photos of the three of us.  I'm not really into the staged, posed, everyone has their hand awkwardly placed on someone's shoulder type of pictures, so Sears (or any of the other ones like it) has never crossed my mind for family pictures, or for pictures of Evie either.

I'm lucky to have a coworker who does photography on the side who does amazing work.  She took Evie's one month pics, six month pics, one year pics, and our family pictures today.  She always makes everything look so natural.  I love how they turned out!!

She took quite a few of Evie by herself too.  When did my baby girl get so big?!?!?!?!?!

P.S.  I am looking for anyone who is interested in a sponsor swap!!  Send me an email at makes_perfect_sense@yahoo.com

Light at the end of the tunnel

At the end of the year, I was pretty depressed.  I don't think that I was taking care of myself very well.  I was mad at M all the time.  I didn't have any patience for Evie.  I was probably not very much fun to be around.  I hid out at my parent's house for 6 days over my Christmas break. 

One of the days that I was there, Evie wouldn't take a nap for me.  I put her down (screaming) in the pack and play in the guest bedroom, and came out sobbing because I had failed as a parent.  My mom was the only other person home at the time.  She told me that it wouldn't hurt Evie to let her cry for a few minutes, and that I should just take a break.  My mom and I have always had a rocky relationship, but that day, she said what I needed to hear.

She went back to the room and managed to put Evie down for her nap without a sound (figures!), and then she sat down and talked to me.  She told me to relax, which didn't help at all.  Then she asked me, "Do you even enjoy your life anymore?"  It sounds harsh to say it like that, but I think she was right.  I didn't enjoy my life at all for the last few months of 2011.  I was just getting by, and everyone in my life was suffering because of it.  I didn't enjoy anything that I used to.  Honestly, I didn't even enjoy spending time with M or Evie. Everything I did seemed to be just another chore.

She really made me think.  I'm still thinking about it.  It's not like everything was completely better over night.  I'm still battling this day to day.  I have considered seeking professional help, but I feel like I'm beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel.  M has been incredibly supportive through all of this.  I've really focused on taking more time to take care of myself...I've been working out more, eating better, and trying not to feel guilty about letting M (and others who offer to help) do more. 

I don't ever want to live my life angry all the time.  I don't want to make M or Evie feel like they are not enough for me.  I hope that this dark period has passed for good. 

Our favorite books

Evie has loved books since she was about a year old.  I have always tried to read to her, but she didn't have much patience for it until she was about 11 months old.  Plus, that was about the time she could really manipulate the book by herself and it held her interest longer for that reason too. 

Evie "reading" last summer

We have a decent collection of books at home, and I am always on the lookout for more at garage sales, etc.  These are a few of our favorites.

The "Good Night Book" (as it is known at our house) is always the last one that I read to Evie before she goes to bed. 

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The Belly Button Book is a new favorite.  This book cracks me up.  The last line in the book is "Bye Bye Bee-Bo" and whenever I read it, Evie waves good bye to her belly button.

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 This is M's favorite to read to Evie.  If it catches me in the wrong mood, this one actually makes me a little teary-eyed. 

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I just love all of the noises in Mr. Brown can Moo! Can you?  This was my first favorite to read to Evie, and I will probably be able to recite this book for the rest of my life.  

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We have quite a few more that are in the rotation, but these are the ones that we probably read to her the most.  I'm not sure if that makes them Evie's favorite books or our favorite books.  In the end, I suppose it doesn't matter.  I'm just glad that she loves to "read" so much right now, and I hope that it's a lifelong passion!

We're always looking for new titles to add to our collection.  What are some of the favorites at your house??

More sick baby, and a busted-ish computer

Well, Evie is sick...again.  I received a phone call at school early Friday afternoon from my daycare provider.  She rarely calls me at school (only 3 times that I can think of in the past year), so anytime it happens my stomach immediately drops and I flip out a little inside.  Evie was incredibly lethargic and running a low grade fever.  Fortunately, M was able to leave work early and pick her up.

When I got home from work, we decided to take her to urgent care.  Her fever had gone up to 102 by that time, and the doctor looked at her ears and immediately diagnosed a left ear infection.  He said the right side wasn't looking great either, but wasn't nearly as bad as the left.  We picked up her prescription and headed home.  She slept from 8 on Friday night until 7 Saturday morning.  (I know many kids do this frequently, but our child does not!!!) 

Yesterday, the fever was gone and I could tell that she felt much better after a good night's sleep.  She was back to her usual antics.  (Climbing is her newest trick.  Yeah, that's fun.)  She really had me worried on Friday though.  I've never seen her so lethargic.  She barely moved at all, and she kept drifting in and out of sleep.  Mono has been going around at school and I was sure that she had it and the world was going to end.  (Sometimes I flip out a little.) 

Bath time tonight - Back to normal!!

I'm just glad that she seems to be feeling better.  Hopefully the amoxicillin does the trick and we have no more illnesses this winter!!!!  (Fingers crossed, knocking on something wooden.) 

P.S.  My computer is SUPER SLOW lately.  I think we may have a virus or something stupid like that.  Hopefully we'll have that taken care of soon too...I'm angling for a new computer.  ;)

Our love story

I found this questionnaire at From Mrs. to Mama by way of Country is a State of Mind.  I thought that it was a fun one, so I decided to fill it out.  You can link up with From Mrs. to Mama through today!!  Have fun!

1. How long have you and your significant other been together?

For 10 and a half years.  We met in July of 2001, and we were an official couple by the end of August!

2. How did you meet? {What's your "love" story?}

We met at a party.  I was at his college visiting some friends from high school who also went to that school.  One of my friends was dating one of his roommates, so we went to their house to hang out.  We started talking and the next thing we knew the sun was coming up...I guess we clicked from the beginning!

  

3. If married, how long have you been married? If not, is this the guy you hope to marry? {do tell}

We've been married for 6 years, since October 1, 2005.

 

4. If you are married, where did you get married at? Big or small wedding?  If not, where would you like to get married? And will it be big or small?

We were married at a state historical park in Green Bay in an old-fashioned chapel originally built in 1832.  Our reception was at a banquet hall in Green Bay.  It was an average size wedding (about 200 guests).

5. Do you have any nick-names that you call one another? Do share!

Nope, no fun nicknames.  He usually calls me "Babe" but that's about it.  

6. Name 3 things you love most about your honey.

I love how he cares about our daughter.  I love how he makes me feel special.  Most importantly, I love how he always tries to make me laugh...even when I'm ragingly angry at him. 

 

7. Tell us how he proposed? Or your ideal proposal?

He proposed in our first apartment together after we graduated from college.  I got home one Friday afternoon, and he followed me around the place while I was trying to change clothes, etc.  I was wondering why he was acting so strangely.  I sat down to watch TV and he got down on one knee in front of me on the couch.  I was thoroughly confused until he pulled out the ring!!  ;)

 

8. Is he a flowers and teddy bear kind of guy for v-day, or strawberries, champagne, and rose petals?

None of the above.  He is a "buy you a ridiculously stupid card that has nothing to do with V-day, but write a really sweet message to make up for it" kind of guy. 

9. Are you a sunset dinner on the beach kind of girl, or pop a movie in and relax on the couch?

None of the above.  I'm a "go out for dinner and drinks" kind of girl.  

10. Tell us one thing you'd like to do with your significant one day. If you could do anything? Go anywhere?
I'd like to spend a sunny day driving around Grant County, WI like we used to in college.   He took me down all of the back roads, and we stopped at all of the historical markers and climbed the big "M."  

World's Largest letter "M."  Near Platteville, WI - Bet you didn't know that existed...

11. Tell us what you plan on doing on this Valentine's Day.

Eating a nice dinner, playing with Evie, and hanging out after she goes to bed.

 

12. Are you asking for anything this Valentine's day?

Nope, just to hang out together!  :)

 

13. Give us one piece of advice of keeping a relationship strong and full of love.
 Keep trying to make each other feel special...doing special things for them.  It doesn't have to be a big gesture, but something that is sincere and comes from the heart. 

14.  Show us a picture of what love means to you.

I have a few...

Visiting Door County in August 2003...we'd been together about 2 years

Our wedding day.

The best one of all...the first time M held Evie. 

 

A new trick

Evie has a new word, "uh-oh."  It was cute when she said it when things accidentally fell, or when she fell down.  However, this morning, she took it to a whole new level.  She was sitting in the bathroom with me while I was getting ready for work.  She pulled a hairbrush off of the counter, threw it on the floor, and then yelled, "Uh oh!!" 

I told her it only works if it happens by accident, but I'm not sure she understood.  At least she hasn't figured out how to flush things down the toilet yet....

Please don't let my child inherit this trait

I'm a worrier.  I worry about everything under the sun.  Hell, I worry about the sun!  (Did we remember the sun block!?!!?!?)

Seriously, Mom, just chill out!!!

This is nothing new.  Going off to college sent me into a panic for a full couple of years preceding the actual event.  Waiting for my flight to Spain to study abroad, I fainted in the airport bathroom.  Job interviews were enough to take me out for about a week at a time.  My first year of teaching basically involved me making it through each class to collapse in a pile of nerves after my students left my classroom.

Now that I'm a parent, I even worry about how much I worry.  (Not to mention that there's a lot more to worry about now too!)  I don't want Evie to live her life consumed by anxiety, but I know that I'm not setting a very good example.  I never want her to hesitate to say how she feels, or to miss an opportunity to do something great all because it might not work out the way she plans.

This is one of my biggest dreams for Evie.  Someday I hope that she'll be confident and never second guess herself - the total opposite of me.

Of course, I want her to have my amazing sense of humor and style.  :-P  But I really hope she knows how to relax and go with the flow too!!

Like what you see?  Spare a couple of clicks for me!!

Want to link up with Toddle Along Tuesday?  Click the button.  This week's topic is "Traits you want (or don't want) your child to inherit."

So, I'm on Twitter...

I did it; I joined Twitter!!!  I'm known as Mama2Evie. 

At this point, I have no clue what I'm doing, but I'm sure I'll figure it out. 

To my fellow blogging mamas, if you're on twitter, leave me a comment with your screen name (or whatever they are called in the twitter world)...I'd love to follow you and keep up with your posts! 

Eat Pray Love - Book Review

So, I know everyone in the world has already read Eat Pray Love, but I'm a little behind the times.  I saw the movie sometime last year, and I had been interested in reading the book since then.  My sister knew I wanted to read it, so she gave me the book for Christmas. 

Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert (Penguin, 2006) is the true story of a Gilbert's struggle to cope with her divorce. In order to pick up the pieces, she decides to travel to Italy, India, and Indonesia over the course of a year to learn about pleasure and faith, and how to find a balance between the two.

The book is divided into thirds, each third focusing on a different locale.  In the Italy portion of the book, the author describes her quest to learn Italian while living on her own in Italy.  While in Italy, she faces her depression head on.  For the previous few years, she had been dependent on anti-depression medications, and she manages to learn to live without them in Italy.  Italy is mostly about pleasure...specifically food.  I was so jealous while reading this part of the book.  I've always wanted to go to Italy, and the author described it in a way that made me want to go there even more. 

The second section of the book takes place in India.  The author lived at an Ashram in a small Indian town while learning about God and meditation.  Because I saw the movie version first, I was surprised by the deep discussion of God in this book.  The movie doesn't focus on this aspect of the text.  The descriptions of meditation were really interesting.  I've always wanted to learn more about meditation, and this book was very informative. 

The final third of the book takes place on the island of Bali in Indonesia.  Here, the author studies with a Balinese medicine man to learn how to balance these two new aspects of her life.  This is the "love" part of Eat Pray Love, and I don't want to give too much away.  ;)

The downside was that I had already seen the movie, so I kept picturing the author as Julia Roberts.  As always, there were discrepancies between the book and the movie, and as usual the book had much more detail.   Overall, I thought that this was a great book. 

Another weekend away...

Well we returned home this afternoon from another weekend away.  (That makes 6 out of the last 7 for those who are counting, i.e. me.)  Most of this time spent away has been to visit family for the holidays (we were gone the weekend of Christmas, New Year's, and the week after New Year's all for holiday/family stuff), or to visit friends, and there was our weekend in Wisconsin Dells.  This weekend, my mom, my middle sister, Evie, and I drove 4 hours south into central Illinois to visit my youngest sister. 

M decided to stay home to give us our "girl time."  We didn't do much.  We actually spent most of Saturday afternoon vegging out on my sister's couch watching "Legally Blond."  It was nice just to hang out with my sisters and my mom.  My sister who we were visiting got married last April and her husband is currently working on his Ph.D.  (That's why they live in Illinois.)  He was in and out all day from studying and working in his lab.  My other sister is pregnant with her first and due in April, so this will be the last time we could all go visit for a while. 

Evie entertained her aunts and grandma with her crazy toddler antics all weekend.  They were able to see her try to dress herself in person for the first time.  And they witnessed her game where she tries to scare people by running at them and yelling boo.  They were also really great by taking care of Evie for a while this morning so that I could sleep in until 7:30...I haven't slept that late in months!!

Evie was very good on the drive.  She really does pretty well, and I can't complain.  I was also fortunate to have the help of my sister and my mom in the car with me this time.  It's great to be able to visit family and friends, but I'm really looking forward to sleeping in my own bed the next few weekends.  I'm just really happy to be home!!

Resolutions - 1 month in

At the beginning of January I wrote a list of 4 goals to work at in 2012.  It's one month later, and I've actually been doing pretty well.  I thought that writing a follow-up post would help keep me honest.

So, here are my results:

• Weight loss: I'm officially down 4 pounds from January 3rd.  That is about halfway to my goal of losing 9 pounds. I've been watching what I eat and I've been working out a lot more.  I joined the gym in town back in November, and I've been going to step classes on Mondays, Wednesdays, and  Saturdays.  I've been walking/running on the treadmill on the other days after Evie goes to bed.  It's become a habit and I'm really noticing a difference.
• Staying organized: I've been keeping up on housework much better.  M has been helping by staying out of my way (and keeping Evie out of my way) every Sunday so that I can put the house in order for the upcoming week.  That way, I just have to spot check throughout the week.  It's been working for us, and I feel a lot better about coming home to a de-cluttered house.
• Making more time for myself:  I actually feel like I've been doing pretty well with this.  I thought that this would be the hardest one for me to keep, but going to workout is a total stress reliever for me, and I feel better about myself for doing it.  So, I guess exercising has killed two birds with one stone!
• Making more time for M: I'm embarrassed to admit that this is the goals that I've had the hardest time with.  We've been out of town for 5 of the last 6 weekends, and that really cuts into the amount of time that M and I spend together. When we're around, we stay up "late" (10:30, alert the authorities!!!) and watch TV and just hang out together.  It may be a little lame, but I look forward to it.  Things will settle down here in February, and I'm hoping to have a better report about this goal at the beginning of March.  

Most people don't keep their resolutions past January 31, so I just have to keep plugging away at it.  Writing them on here has helped.  It's always in the back of my mind.  ;)