Sunday, November 13, 2011

I thought it would be different

In the past, I've alluded to my rocky relationship with my mom, but lately it's been worse.  I have no reason to feel major angst towards her, she was not abusive, neglectful, selfish, unreasonable, or in any way a bad mother.  We just don't really ever see eye to eye.

When I was in high school, it was at its worst.  Obviously, that's not unusual; many teenagers and parents don't get along.  When I went to college, something changed.  In high school, we never really just talked.  My freshman year of college, we could talk on the phone for 30 - 45 minutes without any awkwardness.  I was so happy that I finally had the relationship with my mom that I had always wanted.  It just took time, and maturity on my part. As time went on, we've slipped back into our old roles though.  It's hard to just talk to her most days.  I feel like we don't have much in common, and I feel like she's very judgmental of me and M. 

While I was pregnant I hoped that becoming a mother would bring me and my mom closer again.  I've been disappointed that it hasn't.  I want to be able to talk to her about anything and everything.  We're both part of the "mom" club now.  We've both given birth, dealt with newborn sleep deprivation and colicky babies, and been through all of those rites of passage that come with having a baby.

But nothing has changed.  Some days it bugs me more than others.  I wish that I could just get over it and realize that she and I will never have that mother/daughter "best friend" type of relationship.  It's hard because I think deep down, we both want that.  We're just too different to know how to create that relationship with each other. 

I could delve into all of the ways this scares me about my future relationship with my own daughter, but that's another post for another day.  I should feel lucky that my mom is still in my life, a lot of people don't have that.  I need to take our relationship for whatever it's worth, and try to develop the best relationship I can with my own daughter.


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5 comments:

Jamie said...

I can relate to this post in a lot of ways. Today was a day that it bugged me a lot - I kno what you mean. Lets hope it's better with our daughters. :o)

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LOVE MELISSA:) said...

I am sorry! I know some of my friends have similar conversations with me about their moms. For what you feel, you know you will change how you want to have a relationship with your kids.

Kristin said...

I can really relate to this too. For of alot of reasons, I will never be all bff with my mom but I know that that in NO WAY will play a role in the relationship with my children and it won't in yours either. In many ways, it makes us stronger and better mothers.

Sarah [Nurse Loves Farmer] said...

I agree with Kristin. You are in control of your relationship with your daughter, be the mother you always wanted your mother to be :)

I have a good relationship with my Mom. We're not BFF's...we don't see eye to eye on everything, but really we only got closer when I was pregnant and have now provided her with her first grandchild! Chin up, friend!

basebell6 said...

awwh this post made me cry! i have sooo many friends that feel the way you feel [they actually left town after hs to get away from their parents]. they are always asking me "when i'm going to move away" and all that. yes i live one mile from my mom's house and yes i see her every single day and yes i think i have an attachment issue. that being said though, she does stress me out a lot [just her personality]. no one has a perfect mom and no one is perfect themselves. hopefully you and your mom can get back to the way it was in college eventually and until then just appreciate she is alive!! i feel REALLY bad for the people i know who lost their mom before they ever married / had kids, etc.

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