It seems like baby fever is everywhere lately. Some good friends from college just had their second in January. My sister is expecting her first in April. Two acquaintances that I see about once a month are both pregnant with their second child. Two of my co-workers (both of whom are close friends of mine) are currently trying to conceive. It's no secret that the thought of a second child has crossed our minds in the past few months (see here or here), but I haven't really been on board with the whole idea.
Back when M and I were first married, and we talked about having kid(s) someday, kid(s) was always plural. My sisters are my two best friends, and I can't imagine what my life would be like if I were an only child. M has two older brothers and a younger sister, so the idea of being an only child is foreign to him too.
BUT....now that I have Evie, I honestly wonder how I could ever have another child. I don't know if it's against the "mommy blogger code" to admit this or not: I don't know if I could love another child the way that I love Evie. It scares the crap out of me to think about it. Evie is my world, how do I divide that to include another child? How could I take anything away from her?
It's hard for me to explain what I mean. I want everything to be fair, and I worry that I wouldn't be able to do it. I never want to deny Evie anything because "the baby needs us right now." I'm probably over-thinking this...or I have weird resentment issues or something because I'm the oldest.
Is "one & done" right for our family?? I have been wondering this a lot lately. I am not committed to the idea of having only one child any more than I'm committed to the idea of having a second child. Some days I think our family is complete. Other days I think about how much I want M to have the son that he's always wanted. I suppose only time will tell...