It seems like baby fever is everywhere lately. Some good friends from college just had their second in January. My sister is expecting her first in April. Two acquaintances that I see about once a month are both pregnant with their second child. Two of my co-workers (both of whom are close friends of mine) are currently trying to conceive. It's no secret that the thought of a second child has crossed our minds in the past few months (see here or here), but I haven't really been on board with the whole idea.
Back when M and I were first married, and we talked about having kid(s) someday, kid(s) was always plural. My sisters are my two best friends, and I can't imagine what my life would be like if I were an only child. M has two older brothers and a younger sister, so the idea of being an only child is foreign to him too.
BUT....now that I have Evie, I honestly wonder how I could ever have another child. I don't know if it's against the "mommy blogger code" to admit this or not: I don't know if I could love another child the way that I love Evie. It scares the crap out of me to think about it. Evie is my world, how do I divide that to include another child? How could I take anything away from her?
It's hard for me to explain what I mean. I want everything to be fair, and I worry that I wouldn't be able to do it. I never want to deny Evie anything because "the baby needs us right now." I'm probably over-thinking this...or I have weird resentment issues or something because I'm the oldest.
Is "one & done" right for our family?? I have been wondering this a lot lately. I am not committed to the idea of having only one child any more than I'm committed to the idea of having a second child. Some days I think our family is complete. Other days I think about how much I want M to have the son that he's always wanted. I suppose only time will tell...
4 comments:
I've been thinking about this a lot lately, too. Sometimes I'm looking up baby names for Liam's little brother or sister, looking at all of the cute little girl clothes, and dreaming of a newborn baby. Other times, I think that I'm happy with just one. Honestly, I couldn't have asked for a better baby. I guess we'll see what happens.
Thanks for putting this out there. I've been feeling a little guilty lately when I think we might just have one.
I feel the same way. Right now our family feels complete so I guess we will wait and see.
just remember it is PERFECTLY fine waiting 5, or even 10 years before baby number 2. my math professor has a 17 year old, 8 year old, and one due in June. all bloggers and all friends may seem ready for baby 2, but not everyone is. i'm certainly not!! the idea of another baby right now would terrify me. i wouldn't be the best mother i could be to both kids at this time. life with blaine still overwhelms me too much. you may just all the sudden "feel ready" for another one but several years down the line. sometimes i feel like i too want only one, but i'm pretty sure time will change things.
Thank you all for your thoughts. I am feeling a little more pressure these days too because M admitted that he is in the early stages of baby fever. We have a "date" to talk about more babies this summer, so I think we're both just procrastinating until then....lol!
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